How to Make a Man Commit Into a Relationship
Men refusing to commit is a classic dating dilemma, and one with a number of different causes. Some men shy away from commitment because they want more financial security before entering into a serious relationship, others have deep-seated trauma stemming from past relationships, and still more simply refuse to grow up. Regardless of the underlying issues, there are things you can do to encourage a man to commit.
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Instructions
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Stop pressuring him. No more talking about moving in, marriage, or "us." This may seem counter-intuitive, but it's absolutely essential. The more you pressure him to commit, the more you reinforce his negative preconceptions about commitment, and the more justified he'll feel associating the words "commitment" and "stranglehold."
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Give him time. In columnist Rich Santos's words: "a lot of us guys just don't want to grow up, or we want to delay the process of growing up as much as possible." You won't get him to commit until the desire to do so "clicks" in his head, and unfortunately, there's no magic wand you can wave to make this happen (see reference 1).
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Demonstrate your independence. If commitment makes him claustrophobic, show him that the two have nothing to do with one another. Spend time with your friends and pursuing your own interests. Prove that the two of you can be committed to one another without necessarily sacrificing other things that are important to you. Believe it or not, many men with commitment issues find strong, independent women extremely attractive.
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Get professional help. If his issues are rooted in trauma (whether from a past relationship or childhood), all the maturity in the world isn't going to get him to commit. In this case, encourage him to see a professional counselor. Be supportive, and if he's comfortable, try and attend some sessions as a couple. Focus on showing him that commitment is about two people supporting one another, not one person making demands and another giving concessions.
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Finally, don't be afraid to move on. This won't help him commit, but it will help keep you sane. Maybe his issues run too deep, or maybe he still wants to play the field. The most painful circumstance is probably one where he truly enjoys dating you, but gives priority to his career or other interests. If you're constantly frustrated with his refusal to commit--to the point where the issue dominates your daily life--you know it's time to start searching for someone with priorities more similar to your own.
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Tips & Warnings
Your own self-confidence is a key factor in this process. If you're the kind of person who craves attention or "needs" someone all the time, you will probably have to work on that along with your partner's issues.
Demonstrating your independence and "making him jealous" are not the same things. If your idea of asserting yourself is showering your attention on other men, you will succeed only in creating a whole new set of problems--and he still won't commit.
