How to Combat Jealousy
William Shakespeare penned an entire tragedy around jealousy, and it's not hard to see why. The green-eyed monster is poison for a relationship, eroding trust, destroying affection and building walls which may never be breached. If you're prone to jealousy, you need to find ways to combat it in order to keep your relationship healthy. The best methods entail both working with your partner and doing a good deal of personal growth on your own.
- Difficulty:
- Moderately Challenging
Instructions
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1
Recognize the jealousy for what it is and accept that it's there. When you ignore it, you only allow it to grow stronger. Acknowledge the extent of the problem and resolve to work on it. Only then can you combat its effects properly.
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2
Refrain from tailing your partner, spying on her or otherwise intruding inappropriately. It does nothing positive and often makes things worse. If your partner is being unfaithful, she'll find ways to get around any surveillance, and if she isn't, then you're just driving a wedge between the two of you.
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3
Think about the things that make you jealous--triggers which set off the feelings in your mind. It may be a specific person, a place or some bit of behavior from your partner. For each trigger, consider what quality you react to, and what kind of need or desire it raises in you.
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4
Talk to your partner about your feelings. Be gentle, but honest and approach the problem with the intent of finding a mutual solution. Allow your partner to say anything that he has to, and expect the same treatment in return.
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5
Make a list of all the triggers you can think of for your jealousy, as well as the core need connected to those triggers. Then come up with a gesture or an activity which addresses those core needs--anything from receiving flowers to having your partner do the dishes after dinner. Ask your partner to do the same thing--it helps if you both do this activity together--then exchange lists and talk about the best ways to accommodate your mutual gestures.
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6
Work on developing a sense of identity separate from your partner. Take a few evenings a month to go out with friends on your own. Sign up for a class, or take up a hobby that you can work on by yourself. Far from weakening the relationship, these activities help strengthen your sense of self, which in turn helps you enjoy your partner's company without the stain of jealousy.
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