How to pick a sponsor in AA
Choosing a sponsor in Alcoholics Anonymous is an important step that the organization considers crucial to recovery. A sponsor helps recovering alcoholics stay sober by working the 12 Step program and learning and adhering to the traditions of AA. Sponsors also help people new to the program to connect with others in AA to strengthen ties in the program and encourage one another to stay sober.
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Instructions
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How To Find A Sponsor in Alcoholics Anonymous
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Go to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings in your area and find an AA meeting you like and feel comfortable in. People who have been successfully sober for a while call this their "Home Group." Whether you connect with the people or topics better, or you just get a better "vibe," feeling at home in meetings helps you keep coming back.
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Listen carefully to the meeting discussions and find someone in the meeting whom you can connect with, or whom you would feel comfortable talking to about personal matters. This person, by AA suggestion, should be of the same sex and have at least six months--but preferably at least a year--of sobriety. She should be working her own steps well, seem balanced and truly enjoy her sobriety. Look for someone you can look up to and be honest with, as successful sponsor/sponsee relationships are built on mutual respect and trust.
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Ask the person you have identified as a potential sponsor if he will sponsor you temporarily. At the end of each meeting, the chairman will ask anyone who is willing to sponsor people to raise his hand. Note those you may have considered to be a possible match for you, and ask for a moment of their time after the meeting. This first request may be the hardest part. To a newly recovering alcoholic, dealing with any discomfort in social situations or faking the confidence when you don't necessarily believe in yourself yet is especially difficult. Getting a sponsor as soon as possible, however, even a temporary one, is considered by AA to be the best way to be held accountable for doing the work it takes to recover from alcoholism.
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Follow through. Ask your sponsor what their expectations are, how often you need to meet and when you will start working the steps together. Most likely, she will tell you all of these things right off the bat and even schedule a meeting with you immediately. Most people in the program will tell you to attend 90 AA meetings in the first 90 days of sobriety, the time when there is the highest rate of relapse. Your sponsor will let you know his requirements are in terms of how many meetings you need to attend, what happens if you pick up a drink, what kind of service you should offer to Alcoholics Anonymous, and the best way to carry the message to the alcoholic who still suffers. You will be introduced to the sponsor's others sponsees, join a community of positive reinforcement of the AA 12 steps and 12 traditions, and be able to hold each other accountable for adhering to these.
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Keep an open mind about differences between you and your sponsor, and focus on the similarities instead. Sponsorship is not about whom you would choose as your friend, but whom you can work with on a consistent basis and be honest with. If there are personality conflicts that keep you from your primary goal--staying sober--it is completely acceptable to find a different sponsor. Many people do not end up with their first temporary sponsor as their permanent sponsor, and the unease in changing from one to the other is understood within the program. It is important to give the relationship time, however.
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Tips & Warnings
In terms of a sponsorship match, throw all preconceived notions of pairing up socioeconomic status, age or other belief systems out the window. These do not matter in Alcoholics Anonymous; what matters is saving your life by getting and staying sober. A sponsor will help you work the 12 steps in order to do that.
Do not remain in any relationship clouded by anything that will stand in the way of your sponsor's primary purpose, which is guiding you through the program.
