How to Understand Men in Breakups
He's broken your heart and hardly seems to be affected. You are little more than a puddle of tears. Why doesn't it appear that he is hurting? Well, he is. He just shows it differently.
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Instructions
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How to Understand Men in Breakups
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Know that he is hurting even when it's not visible. Both men and women are emotional creatures and how they express themselves is an individual attribute. However, many men have grown up learning to keep their feelings inside. In addition, men's brains operate quite differently from women's. Men have the ability to compartmentalize tasks well. They can break up with you in one hour, and then shift their thinking to the next task at hand--giving that presentation at work, walking the dog, deciding what to eat for lunch. A man's ability to separate tasks into different "rooms" of his brain doesn't mean any isn't feeling pain. It just means he's likely to be able to better handle on the outside an emotional upheaval.
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Learn to see beyond the surface. Did Serious Ex-Boyfriend buy a motorcycle in the days following your breakup? Are you hearing about how much fun he's having spending time with other women? Does he suddenly enjoy rapid success at work? His life may be going OK, but it's not going as great as he may like you to think. Serious Ex-Boyfriend's actions are an outfall of his expert ability to compartmentalize and his need to feel better about himself. Deep down, the male ego is sensitive. Dramatic reactions to break-ups are the same for Serious Ex-Boyfriend as they are for middle-aged men who buy slick new sports cars.
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Give him space. As a woman, you likely will want to hear from Serious Ex-Boyfriend. You want to know what he is thinking, what he is feeling, why he wants out. Because women, process information fluidly, they often are able to react more quickly. But men need time alone to think. You must give them time to enter the "break-up" room of their brain and process their feelings. Don't learn the hard way: If you are bombarding Serious Ex-Boyfriend with phone calls, emails and texts, you are going to push him more into silence or completely away.
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If he broke up with you, respect his decision. Then, respect yourself. Don't be that girl. Just don't. Don't run after him, begging him to stay with you. Don't call him at 2 a.m., wailing into the receiver. Don't ask to meet with him over and over again to discuss why he broke up with you. Once a man has made a decision, he's usually good at sticking to it. You can't change his mind based on your tearful pleas. And it's certainly not worth it to make your eyes so red and puffy in such a pursuit. If he changes his mind, he will find you. Don't wait on him. Remember who you are. You are a beautiful, intelligent and valuable woman. You want to be with someone who loves you and wants to be with you as much as you love and want to be with him. Serious Ex-Boyfriend is not that man. It will take time to heal, but you can do it. Respect him and yourself by accepting the decision and focusing on doing what is best for your emotional health.
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