How to Raise a Child With No Discipline
Discipline and punishment are often thought of as the same thing, with one common result: changing a child's behavior. Punishment aims to create a consequence for action that may include spanking, hitting, isolation or emotional withdrawal by the parent. Discipline comes from the word "disciple" which means "to teach." Children are always learning from their parents and what is important is how and what parents are teaching their children. Removing punishment from the parenting toolbox in favor of consciously teaching allows parents to guide children toward appropriate behavior with love, respect and responsibility.
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Instructions
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Philosophy
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Make unconditional love the central focus of your family. Explore opportunities to extend love and acceptance to all family members in all circumstances. Children want to cooperate when they feel good about themselves. Practice appreciation, offer interactions where your child gets to know his worth, allow your child to make her own choices and create opportunities to experience giving to others.
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Research parenting styles, techniques and philosophies to see what works for various families. There are many alternatives to punishment and as many ways to parent as there are cultures in our world.
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Create support of your parenting through meeting other like-minded parents. Parenting without punishment requires support. In-person and on-line support groups can help you through, allowing you to talk with parents who have been there, and helping your child find friends who are parented similarly.
Teaching
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Model what you want to see in your child. The art of true discipline is realizing you are always teaching. Decide what you want to teach consistently, learn ways to effectively teach it and start over when you make a mistake. If you want to demonstrate healthy expression of emotions, you may have to learn how to do it yourself first. Talk about your feelings and what you want to have happen while being open to various options of working out difficulties that come up.
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Make consequences related to the situation. When you feel there needs to be some sort of intervention in regard to behavior, allow the consequence to be directly related. For example, if your son is hitting his sister, the consequence may mean some space away from the sister. This does not even have to be voiced, because it is a natural consequence of the situation to create safety and time to talk to your son about appropriate play and handling of aggression.
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Embrace all moments as teachable moments. See everything as perfect. If your son spills his plate of food on the floor, it is a perfect opportunity to demonstrate or share the task of cleaning up. If your daughter disregards your request to get off the computer at 9 p.m., it is a perfect opportunity to discuss respect and agreements. Likewise, allow your child the space to learn on his own. Children are always learning and often self-correct when given the chance.
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