How to Cope with an Eating Disorder During Thanksgiving

Ahhh, the tantalizing aroma of a baking turkey, candied yams and Grandma's pumpkin pie wafting through the front door. Friends and family salivating and visiting in the front room, counting the minutes until the Thanksgiving feast begins.

Thanksgiving (or any holiday, for that matter) offers a perfect excuse to indulge to your heart's content. Let your belt out a couple of notches; gorge on all your favorites; watch a little football; then pick at the turkey again.

It doesn't get any better than that, unless you are one of the nearly 10 million Americans suffering from anorexia, bulimia or binge eating disorder. For these folks, Thanksgiving equals guilt, shame, fear, self-loathing, resentment, anger -- as well as torturous, unsatisfied hunger, according to an article by Valerie Frankel in the Huffington Post.

"Over and over again, anorexics will tell you that it's not about food, it's about control -- a way to manage emotions, events, and whatever is uncertain in their lives," writer Carrie Sloan explains in Elle magazine. Aunt Vikki's comments that you need to "fatten up" while piling your plate with more food can send an anorexic into a starvation tailspin.

"Anyone with an eating disorder is a human calculator," one recovering anorexic tells Sloan. For someone with anorexia, a turkey breast is 153 calories -- a number, not sustenance. On National Binge Day (a.k.a Thanksgiving) there is a lot of calculating going on, with a lot of emotions and uncertainty that need to be controlled.

Instead of using the old destructive tools to navigate through the maze of multiple side dishes, appetizers and desserts, read on for some help developing a strategy to successfully tackle turkey day and truly be thankful.

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• A plan
• A wingman
• Support group
• Therapist
• Thanksgiving gathering

1. Get real with yourself. Don't delude yourself with unrealistic expectations. Realize that there will probably be several times throughout the day that you will feel out of control. If you go into the day knowing this, you won't be surprised when it happens -- and you will be less likely to act out because of it.

2. Get real with others. You don't have to begrudgingly pretend to be having a good time or act rudely to get the space that you need during the festivities. Be yourself and do what you enjoy and what makes you feel comfortable. If you don't want a bite of the fat-laden mashed potatoes that your sister brings every year, don't have it. It will only make you feel bad about yourself and resentful of everyone that is waiting with baited breath to see if you will eat them.
   
   Making choices that are healthy and help you in your recovery is empowering. Stay focused on your personal recovery plan rather than what you perceive as other's expectations.

3. Talk to your therapist before it's too late. Make sure that you make it to the appointment with your therapist before Thanksgiving. Role play to develop a plan as to how you will handle some of the crazy, awkward scenarios that may play out with the relatives and friends that you will encounter on the big day. Know what you will say when those inconsiderate or "helpful" comments come your way.

4. Put your support team on your speed dial. You can be sure that situations will occur during the day that will be exasperating (you're dealing with your family, remember?) and it will help to have someone that you trust only a few digits away. Stepping outside or into another room and calling a friend will give you a little break and the opportunity to take a deep breath and regain your composure.
   
   Along those lines, consider taking a wingman. It is invaluable to have an ally who understands your situation and recovery plan and with whom you can take a break when things become tough.

5. Set the right goals. Instead of making your goals for the day about food and your weight, set a different type of goal. Have a goal to talk to three different people or to participate in the board games after dinner.
   
   Make a goal to interact with the kids at the gathering. Children love unconditionally and tend to be safe people. Taking part in activities can distract you from yourself and food worries.

6. Avoid the "fat talk" ladies.The term "fat talk" was first coined by anthropology professor Mimi Nichter, who wrote a 2007 book on the subject called "Fat Talk: What Girls and Their Parents Say About Dieting". Simply put, it's that conversation that tends to play out ad nauseam whenever a group of females get around food.
   
   "Oh, I can't eat that. I'm so fat!"
   
   "No, you're not. Look at you in that dress. Now I'm the one who really needs to get to the gym."
   
   "You? You're so skinny! I'd kill to look like you."
   
   This kind of conversation can be especially destructive to your recovery. Avoid those ladies and any other toxic people at all costs. Plan your escape route if you see them cloistered around the dessert table.

7. Set boundaries from the get-go. Contact the family members that know what is going on with your recovery and insist that they don't push food on you or comment about your weight, diet, or try and discuss healthy eating choices with you during the holiday. It is not the time or place for such conversations and will not add anything positive to the day.

8. Eat before the feast. If you are a recovering bulimic don't go to the party hungry. Eat at home first and this will reduce the temptation to overindulge. If you are a recovering anorexic offer to bring a dish to the party. Take something that you will feel comfortable eating. This will be a safety net for you.

9. Stop giving yourself the beat down. Instead, pick yourself up and move on if you slip up. We are all members of the human race and mistakes are part of our humanity. Get back on track by attending a support group meeting, venting in a chat room, or scheduling an appointment with your counselor.

10. Set the clock. Realize that like all other days there are no more than 24 hours in Thanksgiving day. The hours will tick by and you will have survived and for that you can be truly thankful.

Tips & Warnings

• Make your recovery plan a lifestyle choice.
• Diets don't work.

Resources

• Elle: Feast of Burden: Holiday Anorexia
• Huffington Post: How Family Holidays Feed Body Image Anxiety

Who Can Help Sponsored

• How to Lose 30+lbs Guaranteed. Try it Free.

[vikki9]

on 11/26/2009 Honesty and therapy are key. Thank you for this information.

[femwriter]

on 11/26/2009 This is a very informative article on how to Cope with an Eating Disorder During Thanksgiving. Thanks for sharing this piece of writing. 5* plus recommendation!

[rightlinda]

on 11/22/2009 I like your wingman idea and also I hadn't thought about the "fat talk." It really is very destructive. Good article to think about this week!