How to Approach a Spouse About Divorce
Approaching a spouse about divorce is very difficult. Once you have decided you want to proceed with a divorce, approach your spouse in a way that will allow for a good discussion. But if the desire to break up is one-sided, your spouse will have a difficult time with the news. Breaking up is never easy, but if both parties can listen empathetically to the other side, the outcome can be less painful than if discussions are done in attack mode.
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Instructions
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Reflect on why you want a divorce and write those reasons down. Writing down your thoughts helps clarify your ideas and will also prevent blurting out hurtful remarks in the heat of battle.
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Talk to friends who have gone through a divorce. They will likely have some insights into their relationships and your relationship that will help you clarify your own thoughts. This will also help you decide whether you want to proceed with a divorce, or whether you want to discuss other options such as counseling or taking a short break from each other.
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Plan the discussion for an unhurried time. For example, bringing up this touchy subject right before you have to pick up your kids from softball practice is not a good idea.
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When you start a touchy discussion topic, the other person will feel attacked if you start off by talking about things you believe they have done wrong. Instead, explain your own feelings and thoughts. For example, if you are feeling neglected in the relationship, instead of placing the blame on the other person, focus on expressing how you feel. For example, you could say: "Lately, I've been feeling a little bit depressed, and I feel like we don't spend enough time appreciating each other."
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Once you have expressed how you feel about the relationship, listen to the other person's point of view.
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