How to Tell if I'm in an Abusive Relationship

Not all signs of abuse are this apparent.

There are many signs of an abusive relationship, some plain for all to see, some experienced only by the abused and the abuser. While the most evident sign of an abusive relationship is physical abuse, emotional abuse is not only unacceptable, but it often leads to acts of physical violence. Therefore, it is important to recognize the signs of danger, take them seriously, and act.

Instructions

1. Watch for feelings of self-loathing, fear, nervousness or hopelessness. If you find yourself constantly in fear of upsetting your mate, avoiding situations or topics to keep peace in the relationship, or feeling helpless or numb, then you are experiencing signs of an abusive relationship.

2. Look for signs of economic or financial abuse. While it isn't a topic that gets much attention, it is a subtle, yet powerful, form of abuse. Rigid control of finances and the withholding of money, credit cards and/or necessities like food, clothes or medication are forms of economic and emotional abuse. Other forms of this type of abuse include restrictions, such as an allowance and preventing you from working or choosing your own career.

3. Watch for evidence of belittling behavior. If she resorts to shouting, put-downs, and acts meant to humiliate you, then the relationship is abusive. People such as this often blame the victims for the abusive behavior and treat them as their own personal property, as well. Signs of being treated like personal property include being pressured or made to feel obligated to have sex, not being allowed to use safer sex methods, and having your behavior curtailed, maintained, and regulated by your partner.

4. Be on the lookout for signs of controlling behavior. If your partner is jealous and possessive, seeks to be in control of where you go and what you do, and constantly checks up on you or requires you to check in, then yours is a relationship predicated on control and abuse.

5. Look for threats, vocalized or implied, and violent behavior. If your partner has a bad or unpredictable temper, threatens to hurt you, your children, himself, or people around you, or threatens to take your children away from you, then he has the potential for physical violence. If he has forced you to have sex, or pushed or hit you, then you are, without a doubt, in an abusive relationship. Take all threats and acts of violence seriously. Domestic violence can, and often does, end in death.

Tips & Warnings

• Help is available for both men and women in abusive relationships. A woman in danger should contact the police or the National Domestic Violence Hotline for help. Men should contact The Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women.

References

• Help Guide; Domestic Violence and Abuse; Melinda Smith, M.A. and Jeanne Segal, Ph.D.; June 2011

Resources

• The Hotline: National Domestic Violence Hotline
• Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women: Home Page