How to Tell Children About the Loss of a Pet
The loss of a beloved pet is the first experience with death for many children. You may be tempted to shield children from this painful experience, but it is important to be honest with them about the loss and help them through their grief. A child's handling of the death of a pet varies depending on the age and emotional maturity of the child. Follow your child's lead in deciding how much detail to share.
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Instructions
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Prepare your child in advance when possible. If your pet is declining, talk to your child about death and prepare him for the loss of the pet. Share facts and your beliefs about death before it happens.
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Consider allowing the child to be present for the death if you make the decision to euthanize your pet. Ask your child if he wants to be there and allow him to make the decision. Have your veterinarian explain what will happen in advance. Some veterinarians will come to your house to euthanize a pet in a comfortable environment.
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Give the child a chance to say good-bye. Seeing the pet's body gives the child closure and helps him gain an accurate understanding of the appearance of death. This can prevent misconceptions about what happens when someone dies. Do not require the child to see the body if he resists.
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Be honest and use real words. Tell your child that the pet is dead. Avoid confusing euphemisms like "put to sleep" that may lead the child to worry that people will die when they fall asleep. Do not tell the child that the pet ran away or went to live somewhere else. Help the child to understand the permanence of death. This is a difficult concept for young children, and your child may need you to repeat this conversation many times.
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Allow your child to grieve in his own way, even if it seems strange to you. Some children react with sadness and crying, while others replay the death with toys or by drawing pictures in order to process their grief. Others may ask seemingly morbid questions about death, burial, decomposition and the afterlife. These are all normal responses that are therapeutic for the child.
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Share your own grief with your child. Do not try to be strong and hide your feelings. It helps the child to see that you are sad and miss the pet, too. By showing your feelings, you validate the child's feelings.
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Read children's books about pet loss and grief to help your child put his own experience into context. See the Resource section below for a bibliography.
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Memorialize your pet in a special way. Bury the pet or the pet's ashes during a ceremony that includes the whole family. Plant a tree, bush or a flower garden in his memory. Make a scrapbook with your child with photographs and memories of the pet's life.
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