How to Handle Toddlers After the Death of a Parent

The death of a parent at any age will affect a person forever. Most adults are better equipped to handle the death of a parent because they have lived longer, have more emotional maturity, and are able to understand the processes of life and death. A toddler has no such tools. Toddlers are unable to understand the situation verbally, emotionally, or physically and may act out in many ways as they wonder what happened.

Things You'll Need

• Familiar environment
• Family members
• Toys
• Books
• Pets
• Friends

Instructions

1. Maintain an environment that is familiar to the toddler. Losing a parent is a traumatic event, and relocating the toddler during a time of uncertainty and confusion may cause him to develop fears or behavioral problems. Toddlers should stay in a place where they are most familiar and comfortable while they are working through understanding their loss.

2. Enlist the help of family members and friends whom the toddler knows well. They can help provide support and care during the time that the toddler is dealing with the death of her parent. A toddler may not understand what has happened to her parent; however, she will sense that something is wrong and may want the parent who has died to be there to reassure her. To help soften this loss, family and friends should provide emotional and physical support to make the toddler feel as secure as possible.

3. Use toys to keep the toddler engaged. The death of a parent will leave its mark on a toddler in many ways, even though these will be different than how it will impact an adult. Toddlers use play to help learn about their world and to explore new situations. You can use therapeutic play to help the toddler act out his feelings with toys and familiar objects, so that you can identify some areas that the toddler may need additional support or reassurance.

4. Obtain a pet, such as a dog or cat. Dogs and cats are often used to help the elderly cope with feelings of sadness or loss and are known to be very therapeutic for people who need to feel a sense of companionship. A cat or dog will provide a measure of companionship and comfort to a toddler and can help the toddler feel that, even though something is wrong or missing, she have a friend she can always count on.

5. Purchase books that deal with the subject of death that are specifically designed for toddlers. You can read these books to a toddler to help him learn about what death means and what other kids may experience after the death of a parent. A large part of a toddler's acting out or fears may be due to his uncertainty about what has happened. Reading books that are targeted for toddler-aged children may help them understand that they are not alone.

Tips & Warnings

• Toddlers often display defiant or naughty behaviors because of their age, and the death of a parent can exacerbate or magnify these behaviors. They may also become withdrawn or depressed. If the toddler becomes too difficult to handle or if you are worried she may be suffering from depression, a professional therapist who specializes in children's needs should be contacted.

References

• Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services
• Kids Health