How to Express Sympathy

Be available to a grieving friend for comfort and assistance.

When someone you care about suffers a loss, it can be hard to know how to express condolences and show your sympathy. A grieving friend doesn't need a long, effusive letter, a huge bouquet of flowers or any other grand display from you. He only needs to know that you are there for him. You don't have to say much. Express sympathy with a short, heartfelt note, offers of assistance, an attentive ear and a steady shoulder.

Instructions

1. Write a condolence card. Keep it short, simple and genuine. Tell your friend that you are sorry for her loss, you know it is a difficult time, and you are there for her if she needs you.

2. Offer to help with housework, cooking or babysitting during the first few weeks after the death. Your friend will probably appreciate any assistance you can give. If he declines your offers, do not insist.

3. Listen to your friend when she needs to talk. Do not interrupt, offer advice or try to heal her grief. Tell her that she is allowed to feel whatever she is feeling, and be a sounding board for whatever she needs to say.

4. Give whatever physical contact your friend needs. Let him cry on your shoulder, offer him pillows to punch if he needs to release anger, or simply hold his hand in silence.

Tips & Warnings

• Hand-write your condolence card, and send it within a week of your friend's loss.

• If your friend needs space while she grieves, do not intrude when you are not wanted.

References

• Huffington Post; How to Express Sympathy; Jeanne Dennis; June 2010
• Simple Sympathy: How to Express Sympathy

Resources

• Simple Sympathy: Words of Sympathy & Ways to Comfort
• Emily Post: Bereavement Questions and Answers