How to Overcome Jealousy & Rage
Jealousy is pure poison to a relationship: destroying trust and rendering communication impossible. It often stems from issues of self-esteem or an unhealthy fixation on the importance of the relationship. One can become jealous over little things, and the struggle to deal with it requires both internal growth and support from your partner. Calming a jealous rage takes time and effort--a combination of allowing the feelings to vent, then examining their root causes--but doing so can also help strengthen the relationship.
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Instructions
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Acknowledge that jealousy is an issue. It won't get any better if you ignore it, and declining to talk about it only lets it fester and grow. If you can look at your behavior objectively and ask how you would respond if a stranger were acting as you do, you can attain some objectivity in noticing its impact on you.
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Identify specific triggers which spark your jealousy--a person, a situation or a pattern of behavior--and ask yourself why they affect you the way they do. The roots likely stem from perceived insecurities of your own. Once you identify them, you can work on resolving them in an appropriate fashion.
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Refrain from following your partner, monitoring her phone calls, grilling her about who she's spending time with and otherwise acting possessively. If she's unfaithful to you, she's going to do it whether or not you're following her, and such obsessive behavior can do nothing but put further strain on the relationship.
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Give your rage a chance to escape. Scream into a pillow, shout out of the window, hit a punching bag or do whatever else you need to in order to release it. If you keep it pent up, it could come out in inappropriate ways, making the situation worse.
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Speak to your partner calmly and openly about your fears (or his if he is the one exhibiting jealousy). Allow your partner to speak his mind when you are done, and even express rage, provided he does so respectfully and embarks upon the endeavor with the intention of finding a resolution. Don't judge and don't accuse; just listen and be open to finding a solution.
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Look for ways to reduce concerns about jealousy with your partner. "Psychology Today" suggests writing up a list of triggers that make you jealous, the needs that lie beneath them, and ways in which your partner can address those needs. Have your partner do the same thing, then exchange your respective lists and talk about ways you can each meet the other person's needs.
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Work on improving your own sense of self-worth separate from the relationship. Join an exercise club, develop a hobby or find a night or two a month to go out with friends without your partner. Contrary to what you may fear, it won't harm the relationship. On the contrary, the more stable sense of self will decrease your insecurities and help you appreciate your time with your partner that much more.
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