How to Tell a Friend She's in an Abusive Relationship
Abusive relationships don't always mean one partner is physically hurting another partner. Hurtful relationships can include physical, mental, emotional, verbal or sexual abuse. Approaching the subject of domestic abuse with a friend or family member can be difficult. Some relationships may be abusive in more than one area, and victims of abuse sometimes refuse help.
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Instructions
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The Talk
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Find a time and place where your friend is comfortable and does not feel threatened. This conversation will not be easy to start, so it is important to help your friend feel comfortable.
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Tell your friend you love and support her, and remind her of the other people around her who also love and support her.
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3
Acknowledge the situation your friend is in.
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Listen to her side of the story without judgment or criticism.
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Do not say what you would do in her place. These actions take away from your friend's power instead of building it up.
After the Talk
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Try to resist putting down the abuser. Badgering the victim will not lead to a resolution or to the safety of your friend. This situation is tender, and you should treat it as such.
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Comfort your friend and remind them that the abuse is not their fault. In many abusive relationships, victims are convinced that they deserve their treatment. Assure your friend that this is not the case.
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Refrain from giving advice or trying to control your friend's situation. You cannot save your friend without her consent.
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Listen to your friend and have your friend list the options that are available.
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10
Develop a safety plan for when violence is likely, especially is the abuse is physical. Write down or learn the number to a domestic violence shelter. If a child is involved, you may want to make plans for the child to stay elsewhere, especially if your friend is planning to end the relationship.
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Plan a "code word," and be ready to call the police when your friend has to use the code word you decided.
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Encourage your friend to seek professional assistance. Trained domestic violence therapists, domestic violence counselors and support groups are equipped to help your friend.
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Offer to accompany her to a support group, or meet her afterward to make sure she is feeling positive.
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Do not be discouraged if your friend does not respond to your efforts. It is a difficult time for her, and even if she doesn't initially acknowledge your effort, she will eventually recognize your assistance.
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Do not stop supporting her if she decides to leave her abusive partner. Although the bad relationship is over, your friend still needs comforting. Encourage her to come with you to events, meet new friends and stay active. Don't force progress, but embrace it if your friend is willing.
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