How to REALLY Help Victims of Domestic Violence

Domestic violence is violence between marriage or domestic partners or between family members. Domestic violence is also called intimate partner violence, spousal abuse, partner abuse, and domestic battery. Domestic violence is a criminal offense when it occurs as physical abuse or sexual abuse. Domestic violence also includes emotional abuse, financial abuse or economic abuse, child abuse, pet abuse, using male privilege, isolation, intimidation, and threats. Domestic violence is a method that abusive partners use to control and dominate their victim domestic partner to prevent the partner from being too independent, cheating, or ever leaving them. People who uses domestic violence to control their intimate partners are not capable of maintaining a long-term relationship using healthy interpersonal skills so they use forms of violence to control and keep their partner under their control. Abusers who use violence against their partners do not think about the consequences or ramifications of their actions when angry-their anger is a secondary emotion which is triggered by the primary emotion of fear including fear of loss of control, fear of intimacy, and fear of being abandoned. For this reason, women and children are most likely to be killed when they attempt to temporarily separate or permanently leave their abusers. Women caught in marriages, especially those with children from the abuser, do not choose to stay because of fear or love-these women repeatedly tell victim advocates "you do not understand" because the threat of death or serious bodily harm to themselves, their children, or their loved ones is legitimate when their abuser is in a rage especially one created by the threat of the termination of their relationship. It is very hard to comprehend or understand what domestic violence victims and their children suffer and live with each day-learning how to navigate living with an unpredictable violent person-if you have never been in an actual conflict or situation with a human who is willing to kill you over control, money, or power. Americans will need to band together, city by city, state by state, to change laws to protect victims of abuse and their children if government officials and citizens truly want to create a country where domestic violence victims and their children can safely leave an abuser. Prayers and donations, organization and commercials, are helpful but there are other things that must be done to really help victims of domestic violence.

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Computer
• Notepad
• Telephone
• Cell phones
• Printer
• Envelopes
• Stamps

1. 
    
   Domestic Violence Victims Don't Control Their World or the Abuser's Response

   Never tell a victim of domestic violence that the violence or her partner's reaction is her fault. There are countless numbers of women who are raped and do not respond violently during an attack - this serves as an example that response is definitely a choice that a person makes. Abusers choose to respond violently-they are not interested in another person's needs or wants, abusers only seek to control and have what they want in using any method needed.

2. Do not insult a victim's intelligence in regards to getting caught in an abusive relationship. Abusers use the same tactics as predatorial animals or carnivorous plants to attract a victim - abusers use various methods of deception and trapping. Anyone could fall suspect to a psychopathic abuser. Psychopaths are very cunning and very hard to detect, psychopathic abusers can keep their act up for a long time to trap a victim (www.hare.org).

3. 
    
   Most Domestic Violence Victims Killed Are Killed Trying to Leave or After Leaving their Abuser

   Do not try to force a victim to leave an abuser, especially at the last minute and without very detailed plans. Abusers are typical violent at the drop of a hat or even at the slightest suspicion-domestic violence victims and their children are usually killed while trying to leave or AFTER leaving. Detailed plans will need to include contacting the local authorities and police to notify them of the threats against the life of the victim and her children, consulting an attorney experienced in handling cases involving domestic violence to prevent any laws from being broken that could jeopardize custody of the children (these laws vary vastly according to states - in some states it is illegal for a domestic violence victim to flee across states lines with her children to hide thus making it illegal to safely hide from an abuser), several safe locations for the victim and her children, and a plan to address economic necessities.

4. Educate yourself on local, state, and national laws regarding domestic violence and child custody laws in domestic violence situation. Understanding your local laws before a loved one, relative, or family member gets trapped in a domestic violence situation and tries to get free.

5. Ensure that your local city, county, and state has ample domestic violence shelters in undisclosed locations, locations for domestic violence support groups, and other services for victims of domestic violence. If your area is lacking, especially due to the economy, organize drives and grants for domestic violence shelters and support groups.

6. 
    
   Donating Items like Cosmetics and Toothbrushes Help Domestic Violence Victims in Shelters Feel More Normal

   Gather donations and organize drives to supply the local domestic violence organizations with the supplies that they need. Food, clothing in women's and children's sizes, toothbrushes, deodorant, toothpaste, soaps, shampoo, conditioner, wash clothes, and towels are usually needed at the shelters. Makeup and perfumes, sample sizes are fine, can also help women to rebuild their former self during counseling and therapy at the shelter. Shoes for women and children, as well as books and toys, are also needed at many shelters and domestic violence support groups.

7. Volunteer or organize a team of volunteers to assist and educate the women and children at the local shelters and in the support groups. If you are a hair stylist, consider donating hair cuts for women and children 1 day per month for victims of domestic violence at the support groups or shelters. If your are an investment manager, consider teaching a free course on budgeting and investing once a month. Sharing math skills, literacy skills, financial skills, life skills, health information, and other life skills are important to help empower the women and children.

8. Connect local, community, statewide, and national volunteer groups and organization to eradicate domestic violence together. Share methods that work and create a bridge of networks to help make the US and world a safer place for victims of domestic violence, women, and children.

9. Propose new legislation to help protect victims of domestic violence and their children. Laws vary greatly from state to state. Challenge and change old legislation. Write and email politicians to show your support for eradicating domestic violence.

10. Share the hotlines for confidential resources with loved ones, friends, family, and coworkers who are or could be potential victims of domestic violence. 24 hours a day, 365 days per week, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available at 1−800−799−SAFE (7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224.

11. 
     
    Don't Turn a Blind Eye and Leave Domestic Violence Victims in the Dark - Change the Laws to Free Them from Abusers

    Don't turn a blind eye to domestic violence. Remember 1 in 4 women report being involved in a domestic violence relationship, many more don't report, and 1.3 MILLION women are assaulted physically each year according to (2003) Center of Disease Control and Prevention.

Tips & Warnings

• Remember that abusers and batterers don't think about consequences or the future when they are in a rage-they think only about controlling their victim and are willing to inflict as much pain as necessary in the moment to control the victim.
• Don't blame the victim for abuse-abusers choose to abuse because they want to control. Unfortunately, it is easier for abusers to abuse an intimate partner into staying than for the abuser to devote the time and effort to learn to be the kind of partner that would maintain a healthy marriage or relationship. For instance, abusers want to cheat and threaten to kill their partner or harm the children if the victim leaves rather than do the work it takes to remain faithful, kind, and honest.
• Remember many mothers who are caught with abusers are loving mothers to their children and will choose to deal with abuse rather than allow their little babies and children to be forced into visitations and custody alone with their abusive parent in the case of a divorce. Abusers are notorious for harassing and abusing the children and pets following a divorce after they receive custody, partial custody, or visitation.
• Realize that if you ask or demand that a victim of domestic violence leave the abusive relationship with the current laws in effect that you are asking this person to risk their life since many domestic violence victims are killed while separated or leaving when the abuser rages from losing control of his victims and you are asking them to risk being legally forced by a judge to leave their children alone with an abuser.
• Realize that many abusers, batterers, and psychopaths will also come after family members and friends if their victims flees. Many abusers will harass, harm, or even kill the victims loved ones, children, or pets if she remains in a shelter at an undisclosed location or hiding in another state.
• Realize that abusers are masters at abuse, even able to verbally and emotional abuse children during supervised visits, they will ask children "are you sure mommy loves you if _____" on a visit or will word things to crush a child's esteem and spirit like "you did ____, that is not very smart, is it?" which can go undetected during supervised visits but can still damage a child emotionally.
• Research shows that abusers and batterers are more likely to fight for custody of the children and win.
• Remember "legal rights" and injunctions cannot guarantee 100% protection from an abuser since neither will stop a bullet, a rape, an attack, or an assault. Abusers have a hard time moving on, often times when finally alone, they will ruminate and blame their last victim-even plotting and taking revenge years later.
• Don't ignore the problem of domestic violence in your community, be pro-active - help change the laws and create a strong network of resources to help victims of domestic violence and their children before you must be personally affected by it.

Resources

• Another Woman - Powerful Poem About Domestic Violence
• Domestic Violence Facts: National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
• Public Policy, Alerts, and Updates
• Know Your Rights Domestic Violence
• US Department of Justice: Domestic Violence
• Medline Plus: Domestic Violence - Tons of Info on DV Here
• The National Domestic Violence Hotline
• Heather Inks' Website - Freebies, Coupons, Craft Ideas, & More

[EarthMother]

on 12/1/2009 How to REALLY Help Victims of Domestic Violence is what everyone should know about. It helped me not feel powerless. Thank you for the time you took to research this topic and write on every aspect one can do to help a person suffering from such a situation. Smile!

[lucindaroth]

on 11/17/2009 This is a very well written article on such a tough and sad topic. Hopefully one day there won't be a need for these articles but in the meantime thank you.

[jeni10]

on 11/16/2009 Wonderful, well-written, and informative article on how to REALLY help victims of domestic violence. Thanks for writing on such an important topic; your article will help so many. 5*

[jenng]

on 11/14/2009 Great article on How to REALLY Help Victims of Domestic Violence 5*

[lighthouse1958]

on 11/13/2009 WOW! Wonderfully written article on such a sad topic. One day there will be no domestic violence going on. Can't wait until that day, you know what I'm talking about. HEAVEN! 5*****************************