How to Get Rid of A Bad Dog

Challenging or easy, it all depends on your conscience. But when the dog is rejecting house training, eating the food off your kitchen counter, vomiting it all up in the middle of the night, and generally making your life a living hell, you have to make a hard (or easy?) choice. Keep the pet, or say goodbye? Here's how to get rid of your dog.

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Chris Brown's 'souless eyes'.
• some kind of drug (for yourself).

1. 
   So cute....

   It's legal. You can kill him. In polite society it's known as 'putting the puppy down'. Actually it's death by injection, just as they would do in humane death penalty for incorrigible criminals.

2. 
   Fat happy dog.

   You can take him for a drive in the country and open the door. A lot of people do this. The good news is, the dog can't tell on you because he doesn't speak the same language as the people who find him do.

3. 
   Who can resist this face?

   You can place an ad on Craig's List or any newspaper or ad site. You can lie about why you're giving away the dog. For instance, you can claim your new husband's allergies...even if you don't have a new husband.

4. You can take him to a friend's house and claim you're just leaving him for a day or two while you go to the hospital for much needed diagnostic testing...and then move across the country without leaving a forwarding address.

5. You can take him to a Humane Society or ASPCA or some place that'll take him. Try to do this in a neighborhood no where near your own, so that when you go to the grocery store you don't accidentally run into one of the employees who might recognize you.

6. You can try telling the truth to potential new pet owners: you can't handle the dog. The truth will scare away some potential new owners, but others won't care. This is a good thing...like weeding out the undesirables while using full disclosure.

Tips & Warnings

• 1- People sometimes say, there's no such thing as a bad dog. There are only bad owners. In the end it doesn't matter, since the dog just has to go anyway.
• 2- Although it goes without saying that getting rid of a dog is the same thing as getting rid of a member of your family, still, I'm saying it.

[jenng]

on 11/18/2009 GREAT ARTICLE ON How to Get Rid of A Bad Dog 5*

[xtraordinary]

on 11/15/2009 I love this article!!! Humorous, but true! I have a friend who had to use step #3 to get rid of her dog...stretched the truth a little, but hopefully the (older) couple that got him will have the time and patience to get the big lug in line! 5 stars!!!

[m12345678]

on 11/15/2009 very funny and useful. i will keep this in mind.

[ruf1950]

on 11/11/2009 Very well written and humorous article on getting rid of a bad dog. 5*****

[mkh1958]

on 11/7/2009 I laughed uncontrollably at your terrific article on how to get rid of a bad dog! *****