How to Help Someone Deal With the Death of a Loved One

Figuring how to help someone deal with the death of a loved one can be frustrating. You may be left feeling helpless and lost yourself, not knowing what to do about your friend's grief. Everyone deals with loss differently, though there three main pattern models most people are thought to fit into. These are known as "resilience," "recovery" and "prolonged" or "chronic" grieving. Being there for them during their time of need is what will matter the most in the long run, no matter what pattern they fall into.

Instructions

1. Ask your friend, "What can I do to help?" When trying to figure out how to help someone deal with the death of a loved one, being straightforward will often yield the best results. This is especially true with the most common grief pattern of "resilience." It is estimated that between 1/3 and 2/3 of bereaved people fall into this process. Their pain is acute and crushing at first and they may not be able to even begin to think about how you can assist them.

2. Inquire about specific things, such as "I'll go ahead and pick up the flowers for you, which shop?" or "I'm going to brew some coffee and we can work through that phone list together if you don't mind the company?" When trying to figure out how to help someone deal with the death of a loved one who is a "resilient" type, you still need to take the lead, at least during the worst of the first few days. As the weeks progress, the initial sharpness of the event gradually wears off and she may be able to tell you more of what she needs done to ease the pain of her loss.

3. Continue to be there for him afterward. When a person dies, many people are around the first few days to bring food, help with funeral arrangements and the like. When all of the activity stops is when a person can feel at his loneliest and will really need a friend to lean on. When trying to figure out how to help someone deal with the death of a loved one after the initial grieving period is thought to be over, it is important to recognize that some could feel the pain even more intensely than they did at first, when kept busy by the things that had to be done.

4. Don't expect a certain timeline for the healing to start. In fact, some fall into what is termed a "recovery" pattern. These individuals experience more intense suffering for a little longer than others, from months and up to a year after the tragedy. Grief counseling and support groups may be beneficial to your friend, along with your continued support.

5. Urge the person to seek professional help if you feel that your friend is stuck in the "prolonged grief" pattern. When trying to help someone who is displaying this, there is little you can actually do on your own to assist her through it. For her, the pain does not get any better. In fact, it can be become more acute for years after the loss. Her whole life can start to revolve around the person she lost, making it seem impossible to go on living in any enjoyable way.

6. Seek out assistance yourself if every day it seems like "just yesterday" that the tragedy occurred, even after a long time has passed. This "chronic" grieving pattern is the most damaging to a person's emotional and mental well-being. If you feel that a friend may be experiencing this, or you are worried about him harming himself in any way, it is time to call on someone who is better equipped to deal with it. Sometimes, the best thing you can do when trying to figure out how to help someone deal with the death of a loved one is to ask for help yourself.

References

• A New Way To Look At Grief: Psychology Today