How to Give End of Life Support to a Parent

Supporting a parent as they approach the end of life is a process for which the adult child and the parent deserve respect, dignity and immense love. End of life care comes with issues practical and personal. As a parent's last days approach, supportive children have help and information to guide them through the pain, the loss and the release.

Instructions

1. Discuss your parent's wishes surrounding her end of life care. End of life topics include medical directives, medical and financial powers-of-attorney, hospice care and burial requests. Your parent may need to sign legal documents. Seek guidance from hospice caregivers and, if applicable, from hospital or nursing home social workers. You may experience a sense that life has flipped upside down. You are the guiding hand, showing your parent that you respect her needs and wishes.

2. Help attend to the hierarchy of your parent's needs. Health Ministries Network of Minnesota outlines what hospice workers bring to the dying person. You can participate in the effort. According to the hierarchy model, the most important need your parent faces is to be relieved of physical symptoms. Gather information from caregivers and medical personnel about pain management. Help your parent conserve energy. Your parent's needs include, but are not limited to, letting your parent know she can trust you--that you are being truthful. Help your parent maintain a sense of dignity as physical symptoms make private functions less controlled.

3. Take care of you. As much as possible, eat small meals throughout the day. Drink plenty of water. If weather permits, go outside for sun and fresh air. Ask family, friends and experts with end of life experience for help. Not only do you want to be as centered as possible for your parent, you must take care of your mental and physical health.

4. Follow Dr. Ira Byock's advice in "The Four Things That Matter Most: A Book About Living." As you, health care professionals and hospice workers tend to your parent's physical issues, you will be immersed on an emotional and psychological path. Dr. Byock suggests you find your way to forgiveness. This can mean forgiving your parent for old grievances or you may need to feel forgiven. If you cannot verbally communicate with your parent, talk to them. Let words of love, forgiveness and gratitude wash over you and your parent.

5. Attend to your parent's last moments supported with knowledge of the dying process. When your mother or father begin their final journey, you will notice signs that the end is near. Every person does not experience every symptom nor do symptoms occur in any particular order. If you know what can happen, you will know how to respond on the physical level. Health Ministries Network of Minnesota has compiled a list of signs of death approaching. For example, your parent will not be hungry. Do not worry. Dad is not suffering from hunger. If Mom has difficulty swallowing, keep her mouth moist with moist sponges available through hospice. If your parent appears to be interacting with people who are not in the room, do not worry. Your parent likely will be comforted by these private experiences. Give your parent permission to die.

Tips & Warnings

• Local hospice organizations offer a wealth of support, information and comfort. (See Resources.)

References

• Important Issues in the Care of the Dying
• Signs of Impending Death
• The Four Things That Matter Most

Resources

• American Hospice Foundation