How to Tell a Friend They Have a Drinking Problem
The act of telling a friend that you feel he has a drinking problem takes a lot of courage. It is easier to look the other way, however, for your friendship and your friend, a drinking problem needs to be confronted. While emotionally charged, the process is less complicated than you may think.
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Instructions
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Choose your location. While being at home might seem like the best place, this can increase your friend's feelings of defensiveness or anxiety, as if he is being attacked. It is better to chose somewhere neutral to you both that is quiet with little chance of interruption by outside sources.
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Choose your words. Be straightforward, but compassionate. Beating around the bush just increases feelings of defensiveness, making your friend less receptive.
Use "I" more than "you." "I feel that..." instead of "You are doing..."
Coming into the conversation with an idea of what you intend to say can make things go more smoothly.
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Offer a shoulder. Remind him that you are friends and you believe he has the strength to fix things but that you are also more than willing to help however you can.
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Tips & Warnings
Make sure he is sober before having this discussion.
Be prepared to have this conversation more than once. Telling someone you feel there is a problem can be highly stressful for him and for you. Defensiveness and lashing out are normal reactions and while sometimes you can work past them, other times, you may have to walk away and come back another day.
Remember you cannot fix the problem for your friend and it is in no way your fault. Misplaced guilt will only cloud the issue.
Arguing has its place and now is not the time to prove a point, but only to express your feelings.
Find help. There are organizations specializing in combating drinking problems such as AA. Also, find other people in your friend's life like counselors and health professionals as well as other friends. They can provide support for your friend as well as you in combating the problem affecting you both.
Verbal and/or physical violence is a possibility. Be prepared to walk away.
You may lose a friendship because your friend would rather cut you out of their life than deal with the problem.
