How to Show Compassion When Your Spouse Is Upset

It's normal for married couples to get upset every now and again. Family, work, and/or children all contribute to the pressures that are part of everyday life within your marriage. If demands on one’s time and energy aren’t managed, often enough tension results.

This tension strains the marital relationship and one day when it’s extraordinarily high, someone vents and says or does something regrettable. You don’t mean to and the moment your anger subsides, you want to recall your actions; but all is not loss.

Couples can learn to respond positively to the pressures brought on by ordinary living and keep it from threatening their marriage. Although stress levels will escalate if it’s not properly managed; you have the power, as a couple, to control the situation. Compassion is the key.

Ask your spouse what’s causing the upset rather than assume. It’s always better to ask; however, if perchance you do know your honey’s thoughts, be courteous. Let him/her speak their peace; since, this creates understanding, which can bring you closer together.

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

1. 
    
   Take it seriously

   Pay attention and stay focused on your spouse and his/her feelings. If not, a wedge between you may arise.

2. 
    
   Talk it out

   Allow your spouse to discuss feelings. Whatever is on his/her mind is important and your attention is really needed at this time. Give compassion.

3. 
    
   Acknowlege body language

   Notice body language, because it conveys a person's mood and emotional state; express your concern.

4. 
    
   Listen to discover

   Refuse to drown out your partner's message by raising your voice; give him/her a few minutes more and try to understand on a deeper level; you may have missed something.

5. 
    
   Ask questions

   Express your feelings to your spouse afterward. Keep the lines of communication open so that a mutual exchange occurs. Ask appropriate questions and give your perspective.

6. 
    
   Respond

   Respond rather than react. When you respond, your feelings are under control, but when you react you are more likely to lose control. Show Kindness.

7. 
    
   Take a breather

   Get out of the house to clear the air. Make reservations at a quiet restaurant or go for a stroll; neutral ground helps restore good feelings and provides fresh insight.

8. 
    
   Get clarity

   Consider a counselor or therapist only when you've tried everything and the problem still remains. Oftentimes, fresh eyes and ears helps a couple regain their perspective and remember their love for one another.

Tips & Warnings

• Pay attention & use active listening skills
• Notice body language
• Engage in appropriate eye contact
• Keep the lines of communication open
• Present your perspective with poise

Resources

• The Five Love Languages, Cary Chapman
• The Conversation, Hill Harper
• Fireproof, DVD
• The Proposal, DVD
• Not Easily Broken, DVD

[goodselfme]

on 11/29/2009 This is a must read for all couples before they live together or get married. Compassion is the key as you so aptly state when your spouse is upset. 5*

[knowball]

on 11/19/2009 respond rather than react - well said!

[kofnye]

on 11/17/2009 Very, very good advise for couples. Taking the time to show compassion and relieving the pressure instead of allowing it to build is important.

[caspita]

on 11/17/2009 Great suggestions in your article about showing Compassion When Your Spouse Is Upset. Thanks. Please read my articles, too.

[missnye]

on 11/12/2009 Thanks for writing this article. This is so important to keeping a family together. We also need to make sure to teach our kids this.*****