How to Write a Eulogy for Your Mother

Writing a eulogy for any relative, colleague, or dear friend is a difficult task. Writing a eulogy for a beloved mother is an even more wrenching and emotional dilemma. On the one hand, you feel the need to express your thoughts and feelings about your mother, especially if you were close to her. On the other hand, it is hard-so hard-to do this when you have just lost her company forever.

Here is how I managed to write a eulogy for my best friend who happened to be my mother.

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

1. Organize your thoughts. When someone dies, your thoughts tend to fly in different directions. You think of a million things at once. Try to prioritize what you think are the most important moments or ideas you would like to tell people in your eulogy.

2. Write a few notes down or have someone else write them down. If you are in emotional distress, let someone else write them down. I dictated my ideas to my husband.

3. Begin with the beginning. Talk about your early life and growing years with your mother. If there was conflict, say it. If there was joy, write it down. My mother hated my boyfriend in high school and made life a misery because of that. You can say that, but try to say it with humor.

4. Talk about the middle years with your mother. By that, I mean when you are becoming an adult—finishing high school, going to college, dating—things like that. Give little anecdotes about how your mother did or didn’t help you with these things.

5. Speak about your life as an adult, your professional life, your married life, your children, and how your mother interacted with you during those times. Before I got married, my mother and I were travel companions and we had many escapades abroad. Then, my mother supported all I did and I could not have survived the first years with my twins without her assistance. Put information like this all down!

6. Describe her life’s contributions professionally and/or her community service and how it affected your life and worldview.

7. Do not make it all very serious. No, do not make it a laugh a minute but do use humor or music or whatever you can think of to lighten the tone of your speech.

8. Let someone else give your eulogy if you are not up to it. Let the clergyman or a close relative do it. It’s ok. Your thoughts will be communicated and everyone will understand.

Tips & Warnings

• Remember that no one is going to judge you on your eulogy. You have just suffered a huge loss and people understand.
• Celebrate your mother and your relationship with the people who have come to pay tribute to her.
• Do not feel bad if you cannot do a eulogy at all. That is ok, too. Your mother will know you are thinking of her and so will everyone else.
• Contact me and I will forward you a copy of my eulogy for my mother.
• Do not take the opportunity to express any ill will or hateful thoughts. This is not the place.

Resources

• The Book Of Eulogies

[lee-lee]

on 11/24/2009 Such a sad topic...a eulogy for your mom...very well-done. 5*

[believeinfamily]

on 11/19/2009 You wrote an excellent article on a difficult topic. Writing an Eulogy is difficult for anyone, however I just can't imagine when it's your mother. Well done. 5*

[art2cee2]

on 11/16/2009 All excellent suggestions for a difficult chore. 5*

[alltrails]

on 10/25/2009 Excellent article on how to write a eulogy for your mother. Not sure I would be able to do this, but the tips are great. 5 stars - thanks!

[eclecticprof]

on 10/22/2009 Beautiful article. The point on not making everything serious is especially well taken. In funerals we need to be able to express the full range of our emotions from sadness, to anger, to laughter and joy. Thanks!