How to Find a Spiritual Director
Spiritual direction goes back two-thousand years, but most people have never heard of it until recently. It is not the same as pastoral counseling. It originated in the early Christian church, but today trained spiritual directors work in most traditions, including Islam, Judaism and Buddhism. Some even specialize in interfaith direction. Spiritual direction is not "directive," despite the title; a director does not offer prescriptions or opinions. Spiritual direction is sometimes called "holy listening." A director helps you identify areas in which you yearn to grow spiritually. You will typically meet with your spiritual director once a month, for an hour.
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Instructions
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"Know yourself." This is the hardest step. Look for places in yourself where you feel called to grow deeper. Notice any sense that there should be something more in life. It can help to talk with a trusted friend with whom you're comfortable discussing things that are truly important to you.
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Decide whether you really want a spiritual director. You probably do not want a spiritual director if you want someone to give you conclusive answers or tell you what to do. A spiritual director listens while you discover your own spiritual growth.
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Determine what qualities you want in your director. Someone in the same religious tradition as you? Someone older than you or about the same age? Does it matter if the director is male or female?
Your answers will be a combination of what you discover about your own needs and what qualities you look for in a person you can trust.
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Locate potential directors. For someone in your own faith tradition, consider asking your priest, rabbi, minister or teacher for a recommendation. Alternatively, refer to one of the sources in the Resources section, below. Spiritual Directors International offers a worldwide database where you can search for a director by geographical location, by religious affiliation, and by other criteria.
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Spiritual direction is a close relationship, so make sure you're comfortable before beginning direction. You can get a good preliminary sense of this in a telephone conversation. Then meet face to face with the best potential matches. Your first meeting should be informal. Feel free to ask any questions you want. Does the director charge a fee? Where will you meet? How often?
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Begin the journey! After three to five meetings, talk with your director about how the process is working---for both of you. If it is not satisfactory, then respectfully disengage. If it is, then you have begun a valuable relationship that will last as long as you both want it to.
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Tips & Warnings
A number of training programs prepare spiritual directors, but no central certification authority exists. Be sure to ask about your director's background and experience before beginning a relationship. A good spiritual director expects to be asked a lot of questions and will provide references if asked.
