How to Do Tough Love in Marriage

If you want your husband or wife to make a change and you have already tried to say it in a nice way, tough love may necessary. Maintaining a healthy marriage takes time, dedication, energy, respect and love. It has the potential to be your most intimate relationship, and if you are open and loving you and your spouse will help each other to grow and learn throughout your lives.

Instructions

1. Look at yourself first. Before talking to your spouse about what he could be doing better, consider your part. Be honest with yourself but also be willing to laugh at yourself. This way, when you talk to your spouse you will be able to offer the same compassion and understanding.

2. Talk to your spouse in a loving but firm way; be warm and caring but steadfast. Be direct. She will take you more seriously and at the same time feel how much you love her. Maintain eye contact so she knows you will not back down. Speak clearly and with a strong tone of voice.

3. Listen to your spouse's response. Tell him what you need him to know and then be quiet and let him talk. If he's defensive, stay calm and do not react. This is one way to show him that what he's doing is not acceptable for himself or for you. Be ready to hear what he has to say about you and be open to suggestions of how to make a positive change.

4. Continue to examine yourself and work on your own weaknesses and shortcomings. This way you will be a quiet inspiration to those around you. Sometimes you don't even have to say anything to make your point. Those closest to you will notice your growth and sense your self-respect and love.

References

• The Marriage Doctor
• The National Healthy Marriage Resource Center