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Step 1
First of all, you need to have NO FEELINGS for your ex, whatsoever. That is unless you just want a weekend fling or one night stand. Some people look for sex to fill in that emptiness.
We are talking about a true relationship. You know "a heart thing".To have any love for your ex is not only fair to a potential love, it is unfair to yourself.
All you are doing is setting yourself up for more hurt, as well as the potential love of your life. -
Step 2
If you are in a divorce, heading for a divorce, or still separated, but yet not divorced, this is not a good time for you to look for your special someone. I mean come on, there is still so much on your plate to even have time and energy to put into another relationship.
There will be plenty of time after the divorce to sort out what you want out of life, as well as your needs. Remember why you got a divorce in the first place and do not make the same mistakes. Be sure to put everything into proper perspective. This includes stability and healing. -
Step 3
If you are a victim in the divorce, the worst thing to do is to jump into another relationship. All you are doing is dragging all your hurt and baggage into that new relationship. Is that fair?
It is not bad to find a friend to listen to you, but make sure that this person is and will always be just a friend. If there is any potential for the two of you to be an item, than it is best not to cry on their shoulder. It isn't fair to them (or you really), because you may fall in love with them. Not only that, they may fall in love with you too soon.
It is good to have friends to share your intimate life with but remember that these are raw feelings and our human nature will automatically want to reach out and help them. -
Step 4
While it is very difficult to be completely financially stable in this day in time, you have to have some sort of independance. Not only is it an attractive quality, it will boost your esteem and give you control. The worst thing to do is to get into a relationship with someone so that you will be ok financially.
It is good to find someone who will help, because two incomes are always better than one. It is almost impossible to live comfortably when you are raising a family on your own. Remember that this part of the relationship may be important, it is far from the most important. That is why you should have some sort of financial independance before you start looking for a new love after a divorce. -
Step 5
If you have children, you need to keep in mind their feelings. Having an absent parent is already hard. Bringing in many different people that you may be dating is like having "mommy or daddy" come and go all over again.
When a child sees you bring another person into the home, they will think that they are here to stay. Automatically a child will begin to form a bond if they get that chance. This is their nature. If that person leaves and never comes back, it will hurt your child more.
Make sure that you are pretty serious about this person before you introduce them to your kids. They will miss your new love once they establish that bond. -
Step 6
Make sure that you are mentally and emotionally ready for the time and effort that it takes to have another meaningful relationship. Divorce is hard and is something that you definitely don't want to get tangled up in again. Be sure that you are completely ready to start dating after your divorce.
Comments
hkimbrell said
on 10/30/2009 Excellent article on dating after divorce. Very well written and full of useful information. Thanks for sharing! 5 stars!
amysmarts said
on 10/12/2009 Great article on How to Know When You Are Ready to Date After a Divorce. This is very important advice for people to remember and keep in mind. Thanks. 5*