How to Win a Nobel Peace Prize

Winning a Nobel Peace Prize was once a prestigious honor, yet after the 2009 award it appears anyone can win it. With this in mind, there are several ways you can follow the example of the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize winner to get one for yourself.

Difficulty: Easy

Instructions

1. Talk like the adults in the Peanuts cartoons. Say "Waaa, wa, waaa, waaa," when asked any questions. Make sure that you stress the "Wa, waa" part of your answers for emphasize.

2. Change the figures in your speeches to match the wishes and wants of those listening to you speak. They don't have to accurate; the numbers must simply sound good to the audience you are addressing at the specific moment.

3. Use positive, intangible words such as "change" and "hope" when forced not to use your adult Peanuts language. Smile and nod, spouting "change" every other word of your speech.

4. Support groups and organizations that promote and endorse voter registration fraud and other crimes against our country. Accept money from these groups and organizations as often as possible, making no apologies for your actions.

5. Ignore the U.S. Constitution and support abortion rights. Forget that "all men are created equal" and that we can not be deprived of "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." Turn a blind eye to the fact that humans start out as small groups of cells and those cells were created equal and have the right to live.

6. Leave the men and women of our military high and dry. Do not give them the support and supplies necessary to keep them and the rest of our country safe. Ignore their needs completely.

7. Follow the leader of a racist and extreme left-wing church. Simply calling him your pastor is not enough. Call him your "mentor." Stand by his side no matter what he says.

8. Make fun of those who participate in the Special Olympics. Use harsh and crude language to describe those individuals. Ignore the fact that they enjoy participating and work hard to be able to participate in those games.

9. Spend my money like there is no tomorrow. Give bail outs to any and every large corporation that comes to your with their hands out. Enjoy nights out in New York City with your spouse, spending my money to cover your trip. Fly across the globe to unsuccessfully lobby the Olympic committee to have the Olympics in your hometown, using my money for such craziness.

10. Buy everyone in the United States Rosetta Stones so they can learn Arabic. They will need it because you ignore the constant threat of extremist that want to take over America. Save money on this endeavor by not purchasing them for girls and women. There is no need to buy it for them because they aren't allowed an education by the extremist who will be running our country.

11. Promote socialism. Give away my little piece of the pie to those who haven't worked for it. "Share the wealth" with those who refuse to work even though they are capable of working. "Give it away, give it away, give it away now" to anyone who asks simply because they don't have the gumption to work for it themselves.

12. Create a government-run health care plan. Refuse to take care of the current problems and create new ones. The economy, education and our roads will somehow fix themselves as you add more to your plate that is already too full for you to handle.

[ithejmani]

on 11/25/2009 BEST EVER.

[tammyfrost]

on 10/9/2009 LOL...Emma You are serious huh? Funny and interesting article!