How to Survive a Traumatic Break up

After a relationship breaks up, whether it be a divorce, broken engagement, or the ending of a long-term relationship, it can be difficult to move on and heal. It is especially hard if the break up was a surprise or traumatic. Surviving a breakup or divorce requires a lot of time to focus on what went wrong and how you want to learn from these mistakes. Learning from a failed relationship will allow you to eventually start a new relationship where you will not repeat the same mistakes.

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

1. Take time to cry and grieve. This is especially important if the breakup was nasty or hurtful. Try to take a full day to just be upset and cry. Ask your friends and family to just be there for you and allow you time and space to be sad because you lost something that was really special to you.

2. Process what happened by talking it out why you broke up with a trusted friend. It may take several friends and lots of tears, but allowing yourself to understand what happened to cause the relationship to end is important. This is not about assigning blame, but just really just trying to get answers for yourself.

3. Get your recent ex's stuff out of your house. This is one of the hardest parts because you are emotional and seeing a half empty room can be quite depressing. Be civil and ask a friend to help you pack his or her things and to be there when he or she picks them up. Try to minimize the awkwardness and take this time to say goodbye, if you can do it civilly.

4. Stay healthy. As tempting as it may be to drink or pig out on junk food during a break up, it is vital to stay as healthy as possible. Your body is going through quite a bit of emotional stress and needs to focus on healing and recovering.

5. Get back to your normal life, or at least as much as possible. Go back to work and to school and spend your evenings with friends. It is easy to spend weeks in bed feeling sorry for yourself and your lost love, but it is important to move on. If you wallow in pity, it will only make it worse.

6. Avoid contact. This is always hard because talking was part of your normal daily activity. Give yourself at least two weeks without contact, and then if you need closure, suggest meeting for coffee and to talk. This will allow you to realize that it is over and get unresolved questions answered.

7. Start getting back out there. After a month of grieving, try to become active on the social scene. This might not mean that you are ready to start dating yet, many people who were in love aren't ready yet, but it does mean that you are creating a set of circumstances that you will be read when the time is right.

8. Wait at least 2 months before trying to make a platonic friendship work or before getting back together. Waiting will allow you to get your head and heart in the right place and be sure that you are in a position to make the best possible decision.

[mymukki]

on 10/8/2009 Very good advice. You may very well discover that years from now, that these lessons learned well will provide you strength and dignity to leap many of life's hurdles.

[lonelyhr8]

on 10/7/2009 I have been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend of 5 years (france-england) we were very close and saw each other every three weeks. Always said that we were going to get married and have children etc. In the 4 year of our relationship i started to ask him where we are going forward......what are we going to do to be together, he kept saying 'i dont know', he is not ready to leave everything and move. In FEB of this year he confessed to me that he was seeing someone else for the past 6 months...I was devastated as i trusted him completely and NEVER expected this of him....he begged me to take him back, would not give me a minute to myself and after i forgave him and decide to give him another chance, we made a decision to get married (so that i can move to France), this was in July now in Sept when we are making plans, rings etc he told me that he is afraid and do not t...