How to Be a Successful Bungee Family

Is your 18-year-old living at home? Has your college graduate moved back to his old room? Are you and your 20-something emerging adult living under the same roof? If so, your household is among the millions of bungee families.

“Bungee families," as described by Martha Straus Ph.D, professor at Antioch University, in her article of the same name in the September/October 2009 issue of "Psychotherapy Networker," are: “young adults and their boomer parents mutually attached and living together for a while longer.”

A generation ago, most families looked forward to their 18-year-olds moving out of the family nest and making their own way in the big world. The expectation was that young adults would be either off to college, starting a job or getting married. Kids didn’t want to live at home and parents were happy to see them go.

That was the '70s, this is now.

Twenty-five million young adults between 18 and 34 are currently residing with their parents, and 65 percent of college graduates move home for a year or more, according to Straus' article.

For a variety of reasons—from economic to social—the old paradigm of “push 'em out of the nest” is shifting. Families are evolving. Multiple generations live together and support each other.

Here’s how to join the bungee family trend.

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Instructions

1. Embrace Family
   
   “In much of the world,” Straus writes, “severing of ties has never been the goal.” From Latin America to Italy, East Asia, the Middle East and Africa, extended families live together throughout their entire lifetime. With emotional and physical support from each other, family members are less isolated and happier. Bungee children may may move away from parents but they remain connected and frequently bounce back and live with parents once again.

2. Join the Bungee Paradigm
   
   The old idea that child-raising lasts only 18 years is shifting with the times. A new model of the extended family living together is developing. More and more young adults are moving home, not because they are slackers, but because it is a viable option for both parent and young adult.

3. Stay Connected
   
   According to researcher, Jeffrey Arnett of Clark University, the relationship between parents and young adults are closer than anytime since the 1940s. The generational lines are blurring. Parents and young adults, today, share more than in previous generations. From goals, political viewpoints, values and financial instability, the generational gap is diminishing.

4. Rebel No More
   
   Unlike previous generations who shaped their identity by rebelling, today’s youth are closer connected to their parents. The "National Survey of Student Engagement" found that students whose parents are actively involved and interested are more satisfied with their over all college experience. Even though they may live in dorms miles from parents, college students want to remain closely connected. Studies indicate that the best-functioning young adults are those that are firmly connected to their parents. Bungee families stretch and come back.

5. Open the Door
   
   Emerging adults move home for all kinds of reasons: from needing more time to gain a footing in the world to needing the support as they explore options for the next life passage. The stigma of having adult children living at home still persists; however, studies show that there are lasting benefits to keeping family bonds strong and intact. Look around, and you may discover that this is an emerging trend in your community.

6. Talk Openly
   
   Everyone is different, and everyone matures at a different pace. Some are late bloomers and some are coming home to regroup and start fresh. Whatever the reason for moving home, a successful bungee family is able to talk openly about their feelings and expectations. They are able to define their purpose for joining forces.

7. If It Works, Don’t Fix It
   
   While it is true that is takes longer than it used to for a young adult to get established, eventually they do. Besides, nothing is permanent. Haven’t you noticed that just when you get accustomed to one system, something changes? If you are living under one roof and it’s pleasant, enjoy it. There’s no need to be ashamed or make problems when none exist.

8. Try It, You Might Like It
   
   Living together is satisfying for many families, and as one mother told me, “My children will always be welcome in my home.” Her children have reassured her that, “We will always take care of you.” It is so reassuring when the generations come together to help each other get through all the stages of life. A family who enjoys the thrill and excitement, the satisfaction and security is a bungee family and it turns out that connection is beneficial for all family members.

Tips & Warnings

• Reading my book, "Wonderful Ways to Be a Family" might offer you some insight on the subject of bungee families (see Resources below).

Resources

• Article: Bungee Families
• National Survey of Student Engagement
• Wonderful Ways to Be a Family

[Countrymom]

on 11/5/2009 My oldest son moved back home at age 21. He came to help with a younger brother whilst his step father and I were back and forth with the youngest (20 years younger than he is) who was at the time undergoing chemotherapy. Fast forward 7 years and the youngest is now in remission and doing fantastic and the oldest son is still living with us and now he is battling a nerve disease that will continue to take away his mobility. No matter how you look at it, family is family and when you need one another it is great to know that that safety net is there. Between us, my husband and I have 8 kids. 3 (including my oldest) live at home, another in the same town, one out of state, one an hour away and 2 8 hours away. Somehow, they have all had a turn. Treasure what you do have and accept that not all families are equal. Thanks for a great article!

[mizzshady]

on 10/23/2009 Age 25. Take the safety net away. Ties your hands behind your back if you have to. It is the parents inability to let go that is the issues here. Grow up parents grow up. Doing less is doing more. Be the first to cheer them on and the last net to save them if they fall. Allowing them to still live at home at age 24 or 28 may keep them feeling all warm and fuzzy inside with little lazy happy grins. I know us parents are in heaven. I would be but life isn't warm and fuzzy. Weaken these adults by interfearing with their instincts to survive from being developed. First objective is survival and there is no better lesson of life then living it. They need mistakes or success will never come. Moderation is what its called. Time line of life. You have your time to be the mommy and then the time to be the teacher then the one to push them out as hard as it is parents have no choice. Its not ...

[mizzshady]

on 10/23/2009 I don't know if kids living at home well into their twenties is a good thing or a bad thing. I would keep mine close with me like that forever. Adult is not 18 years old. I am beside myself at the fact that many adult mentalities are as such that they can even pretend a child of 18 is any where ready to pose as an adult and become successful in doing so. There are those very well rounded fast learning adapting over achievers who at 18 blow the socks off of many 40 year olds in their abilities to coexists among other adults of various ages and do it successfulness. The majority aren't adults mentally until close to 30 in my opinion. I was 40 when I was 18. Now that I am close to 40 I see how 12 I really was at 18. 25 years old should be the new 18. Frontal lobe of the brain becomes fully formed fully developed at what age? What part of the brain does our ability to reason come from?...