How to Spare the Rod

As a family counselor for 25 years, I was delighted to read John Cloud's article, "Kids Who Get Spanked May Have Lower IQs" on Time.com. As a professional therapist and parent educator, I have witnessed the long-term negative consequences of spanking, yanking, thumping and slapping. I can verify the fact that kids who are roughly handled, can't sit still or concentrate in school. In many cases repeated spanking has a devastating impact on learning and over all well-being. Turns out sparing the rod is exactly the right approach. Here is what I mean.

Instructions

1. Spare the Rod

   A sociologist from the University of New Hampshire, Murray Straus, presented a paper at the International Conference on Violence, Abuse and Trauma in San Diego, suggesting that spanking does have a negative outcome. Turns out that using the rod spoils the child by lowering IQ up to five points. Spanking children lessons their ability to think, reason, remember and concentrate.

2. Spoil the Child

   In Straus's study, youngsters who were spanked at age 1 displayed more aggressive behavior by age 2 and scored lower on cognitive development tests by age 3. Turns out spanking affects the ability to learn and pay attention.

   There are many positive ways to get a child's attention, and distraction is healthier than a spanking.

3. Stop the Cycle

   Promote brain development by staying calm. Kids can't learn if stressed. Stressed parents spank stressed kids, and stress becomes a vicious cycle. Physical discipline causes more stress, more aggression and acting out. When parents are calm, kids stay calm and are able to listen to instructions. Stressed-out kids are worried and unable to focus on what is said. By remaining calm and firm you help your kids feel safe and calm; then they are ready to focus.

4. Consider Consequences

   Children of parents who use corporal punishment are less likely than other kids to graduate from college. Among 32 countries Straus studied, in those where spanking was accepted, the average IQ of the survey population was lower than in nations where spanking was rare, the researcher says.

5. Reflect on Your Actions

   When a child or an adult is frightened, stressed or anxious the ability to think clearly diminishes. The Straus study notes that being spanked or hit is associated with fright and stress. Kids who experience that kind of trauma have a harder time focusing and learning. While a a spanking may get the child's attention, it can also lead to learning and emotional problems. Your children are precious. Don't risk it.

6. Answer this Question

   If this child were me, how would I want to be treated? Treat your child in a way that helps him/her feel safe, so that they can pay attention and understand the boundaries.

7. Strive for Great

   Don't settle for average. Some folks still hold on to the idea: "I was spanked and I turned out OK." Seems illogical to me. If you hadn't have been spanked you might have been great or above average. Help your kids take the best of you; help them improve on your good qualities so that they can be the best they can be.

8. Think Long Term

   Spanking is a hot subject for many adults who maintain that they were spanked, so they reserve the right to spank their kids. As an advocate for non-spanking, I invite you to rethink your position. Find a more productive and creative way to guide your child. Raise your child in a way that lifts the spirit.

Tips & Warnings

• Here are a couple of my books that might be helpful: "Wonderful Ways to Be a Family" and "Wonderful Ways to Love a Teen" (see Resources below).

Resources

• Wonderful Ways to be a Family
• Wonderful Ways to Love a Teen