Things You'll Need:
- love for your spouse
- positive attitude
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Step 1
Every married couple has disagreed about one thing or another. Or has pet peeves about each other's habits or behaviors. Every day we have the choice of whether to make a big deal out of these things, or to let them go. The choices you make on these seemingly trivial everyday matters can be the success or failure of your marriage.
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Step 2
How many couples divorce on the grounds of "irreconcilable differences"? Plenty. And what are those differences? He throws his dirty underwear on the floor? She hangs her dripping bras from the shower curtain rod? You may laugh, but these small things can lead to the disintegration of a marriage, if they become an obsession of the partner being offended by them. Usually they are the symptom of a larger problem: lack of communication. But too many couples steam and fret over these little things without ever vocalizing how it annoys them. This steam builds up and releases itself in a torrent of resentment eventually.
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Step 3
How to guard against this sort of thing? Talk to your spouse. If he/she has a habit that annoys you, bring it up delicately. Instead of complaining about the underwear on the floor, pick it up yourself. No, you shouldn't necessarily have to do this, but is it worth having a fit over? If one of you is always losing things, instead of blowing up over it, work together to find ways to minimize the absentmindedness. Have a place to put the car keys, the cell phone, or whatever is getting lost. Sounds easy? It can be, if you are both committed to ridding yourselves of this little annoyance.
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Step 4
The bottom line here is to think about the "offense" that has irritated you before you open your mouth to complain. How important is it, really, in the greater scheme of things? Is it worth putting yourself and your spouse into a bad mood for the rest of the day? Wouldn't it be more fun to overlook it, talk about it, or just ignore it, and do something fun together?
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Step 5
Get over the attitude that you have to be right about everything, and that your way of doing things is the only way. Marriage is about blending your lives, not about him or her having to adapt to YOUR rules. Our society prizes competition, and many people approach marriage with this mindset. Some spouses will criticize every idea their husband or wife has, just in order to be right. How long do you think someone is going to put up with that? By the same token, don't be a doormat. Speak up if something does not sit right with you. Talk it over. If one of you is unwilling to give, that person needs to have good reasons for being so stubborn. Often one or the other of you will have a better idea of how to handle a situation. Listen and respect your spouse's viewpoint, and instead of being angry that he/she came up with the better solution, be grateful that you are married to such a clever person. It's all in your outlook.
