How to Respond to the Silent Treatment
The silent treatment can be hard to handle. People exercising the silent treatment give---at best---short, clipped answers to questions and---at worst---no answer at all. They may choose instead to leave a room without a word. Painful and frustrating as this behavior can be to encounter, there are ways to respond that can open the lines of communication once again.
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Instructions
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Give space. People are not always silent as a way of punishing their friends or loved ones. Sometimes, people who are giving the silent treatment need time to sort through their thoughts and feelings alone before trying to share them with someone else.
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Use what Dr. David Burns refers to as "multiple-choice empathy" (see References). Offer reasons that you believe may be behind your loved one's silence. Examples include, "Did my taking phone calls during dinner upset you?" or as Burns suggests, "Perhaps I haven't been a very good listener...I'm really sad to realize I've probably been doing this to you." According to Burns, probing in this non-accusatory manner often leads to further discussion. Silent individuals feel relief that the offending person has shouldered some blame. Thus, a person who has been silent feels more willing to resolve problems.
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Listen. As your loved one begins to open up, be careful not to interrupt, which may send him or her into silence once again. Instead, wait until a point has been made and then summarize it in your own words to show that you are listening and are committed to resolving problems.
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Tips & Warnings
Don't retaliate by giving a silent loved one the silent treatment as well. This will only shut down lines of communication completely. Moreover, it will make for tension in the home that others will be able to sense. Though it may be difficult, make an honest effort to communicate with individuals who are giving you the silent treatment.
