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Step 1
The first step in earning your children's respect is to throw out your old ideas about discipline. You need to abandon any theory of parent-child relationships as being grounded in the parent's supreme authority and the child's complete submissiveness; or any theory grounded in the parent’s permissiveness and the child’s lack of boundaries.
Once these destructive concepts are thrown out, you can begin to base your parental ‘authority’ on mutual acceptance and respect. The less you try to control your children, the more influential you will be.
The parenting with respect model is balanced between the authoritarian and the permissive parenting styles. Just as it is necessary to set limits for children, it is equally important to give children freedom. -
Step 2
Respectful parents are both demanding and responsive. They monitor and impart clear standards for their children’s behavior. They are assertive, but not intrusive and restrictive. Their disciplinary methods are supportive, rather than punitive. They want their children to be assertive as well as socially responsible, and self-regulated as well as cooperative.
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Step 3
Though problems certainly occur, an atmosphere of positive esteem, mutual respect, trust, and teamwork enables you to handle them without the hurt or resentment that characterizes authoritarian and permissive styles.
The respectful parent is a strong and reasonable person that is in charge without being authoritarian, a companion without being a peer.
These parents rely on knowing their children are comfortable talking with them, and likes and trusts them. These children know their parents are human, they know their parents weaknesses and strengths. -
Step 4
These parents are forgiving and occasionally indulgent, good at setting limits, excellent at applying appropriate consequences and they do not let someone push them around. The children know that no matter what they do, their parents love them and are on their side.
The respectful parent knows that the ultimate goal is raising a resourceful child who can think for himself and make good appropriate choices. -
Step 5
This style of building positive esteem will help to raise a responsible child by balancing freedom, rights, limits, and responsibilities. It aims to help the child become responsible by setting limits, and giving choices within those limits.
For children to learn responsibility and respect, they must first be treated with respect and given responsibility for appropriate aspects of their lives. Children’s feelings, opinions, and desires are treated as equal in worth to those of adults; they are listened to and considered. -
Step 6
Equality does not imply equal decision-making power in every area. Positive esteem and mutual respect combines kindness and firmness, nurturing and limit setting. When children are given positive esteem and mutual respect, they learn that they have rights and so do other people. They learn to value themselves as well as others.
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Step 7
Parenting based on mutual acceptance and respect means you have a mutual interest in respecting each other's rights and feelings; you want each other to stay healthy and alive; you want to communicate openly and honestly; you want to grow as a family and as individuals.
It is the example you set as a parent that maintains discipline. You motivate your children to their best behavior with trust, acceptance, and a willingness to listen and share. You encourage your children to make their own decisions. They live according to the values they embrace.
