How to Recover From Spousal Abuse

Spousal abuse is serious and can take many forms. Usually, the husband is the perpetrator and the wife the victim, but that isn't always the case. Spousal abuse might be in the form of physical, sexual or verbal abuse, or it might be in the form of emotional or mental abuse. You can overcome and recover from spousal abuse--even though it might be a painful and slow recovery--and live your life the way you want to.

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

1. Remove yourself from your spouse and the threat of further abuse. This might involve either you moving out of your house or your spouse. It's important that you are not subjected to any further suffering. Move in with friends or family, or contact your local women's shelter, which will able to find you safe accommodations where you can stay for a few days or longer until you decide what to do next. You can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline 24 hours a day, seven days a week at [phone] for confidential, anonymous help.

2. Seek counseling by contacting your doctor, who will refer you to a therapist. Being abused by someone who you loved and trusted can stir many emotions and is a very traumatic experience. You might be experiencing grief, depression, fear, anxiety and guilt, or you might suffer from nightmares and flashbacks. Seeking professional help will help you make sense of what has happened and help you overcome negative feelings.

3. Join a support group and meet other people who have suffered and survived abuse and are on the road to recovery. They offer invaluable advice and help and will allow you to build a support network. Support groups will allow you to rebuild and reclaim your life in a safe, supported environment. Many offer individual or group therapy and counseling sessions. The Internet is also great way to connect and communicate with others who have been in abusive relationships (see Resource 1).

4. Reconnect and treat yourself. Take time out to reconnect with friends and family who you might have cut off whilst in your abusive relationship. Catch up with them and enjoy their company. Treat yourself, and relax to get rid of some of your tension and anxiety. Have a massage, get your hair done, go to a nice restaurant, watch a movie or buy yourself flowers--because you're worth it and deserve it.

5. Do things you were unable to do before. Take time to pursue your interests and hobbies, and take a class in whatever interests you, such as cooking or painting. Join a club or society; it's a great way to meet new people, develop your confidence and skills and get you out of the house so you don't sit and think about negative aspects of your past.

6. Date carefully, and don't jump into a relationship right away. You have been through a lot, and it's important to spend time healing yourself and focusing on your needs before starting a new relationship. Once you do start dating, be cautious. If you sense any warning signs, then have the confidence and courage to end the relationship. And remember that just because you had one abusive relationship, it doesn't mean you won't have a happy and fulfilling one in the future.

Tips & Warnings

• Never blame yourself or question your self-worth. You can overcome this and will be stronger as a result. Spousal abuse also applies to men. If you are a sufferer, remember you are not alone and seek help.

References

• BBC-Life after abuse
• National Domestic Violence Hotline

Resources

• Helpful links