How to Punish Your Boyfriend

He did something stupid, and now he's got to feel the pain. You have to do this for the good of the relationship and for his own good. How is he going to get through life not doing what you say? He was hopeless before he met you. You have to punish your boyfriend for the good of the world. Plus, he deserves it. But how to punish your boyfriend without driving him away? It's a learned skill, and I'm here to help. Here's how to punish your boyfriend.

Things You'll Need

• Discipline

Instructions

1. To punish your boyfriend, the first step is to cut yourself off emotionally. He relies on you coming to him for his manly shoulders to cry on, so give that privilege back to your friends, guy friends, dad, uncle, whoever. And let him know about it. He will feel like less of a man.

2. The second step to punish your boyfriend after you have cut yourself off emotionally is to cut off your time from him. You don't do this vindictively. Just have other things to do. See him half as much. When you see him, give him the best sex you've ever given him. Do everything he wants. Then disappear for a week. He won't know what to do. To punish your boyfriend, but keep him on a leash, you must dangle the carrot, and show no animosity.

3. After you disappear with the great sex and he's on his figurative knees begging you on the phone to spend more time with him, if you really want to punish your boyfriend, break down and cry. Tell him that something isn't working in the relationship like it used to, and that you need to talk. If this doesn't completely break him, you're dating a brick wall. He'll start blubbering about love and sorry and what did I do and you should say you don't know and you don't know and then you KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID! And hang up. Don't worry; he'll call back.

4. The last step to punish your boyfriend, after he begs for "the talk" is to come over, have the talk, make up with him, then get him all riled up and leave. Get all the blood from his brain. Later, in the last step to punish your boyfriend, call him up and demand the most expensive date ever. Lay it all out flat. If he wants forgiveness, he does this. He'll do it. Consider your boyfriend's punishment complete. Congratulations. You are one step closer to a trained husband.

Tips & Warnings

• Remember to space your time out and have fun. This process to punish your boyfriend is a slow simmer and should take at least a month.