How to Cope with an Abusive Boss or Manager

Document all instances of abuse.

Abuse by bosses and managers takes many forms. Some bosses scream, others call their employees names, and some are nice to employees' faces but backstab them when employees are away. No matter the form of abuse, you have ways to deal with it. If you suspect your boss is defaming you, you might want to talk with a lawyer. Defamation is illegal and means your boss is harming your name and reputation.

Instructions

1. Document the behavior: its duration, who was involved, where, when, possible causes and results, and any witnesses. Documentation is key to give you the avenue of legal action later and to allow you to exactly classify the type of abuse. Avoid injecting your opinions into the documentation. The Entrepreneur magazine article "Abusive Managers at Work" says not to write: "what you think you said or did, why you don't like what the person did; what you would have done." Stick with the facts. If your boss called you incompetent, note that and not why it was wrong.

2. Address the first one or two instances of abuse directly with your boss or manager. Use "we" language if possible. For example, if your boss keeps screaming at you, respond calmly with something like: "There is a better way to express your displeasure. I know you don't mean to create a troublesome work environment. How can we deal with this?" If you suspect your boss is telling untruths about you to others in the company, get documentation from these sources. Then talk to your boss, again using "we" language. Say something like: "It has come to my attention that my work upsets you. This is confusing because I got a good performance review last month. How can we address this?"

3. Humanize the boss while you work toward a solution. Likely a reason exists behind his abuse. For example, maybe he has a bachelor's, while you have a doctorate. Perhaps he is lashing out at you because you make him feel insecure. That does not excuse the behavior, of course, but might give you more perspective.

4. Meet with your boss. Approach the meeting in the spirit of cooperation to resolve the issue. If the boss does not take your concerns seriously and the meeting is unsuccessful, document that, too.

5. Meet with your boss's supervisor or human resources. Take your documentation and share it. Avoid bad-mouthing the boss himself; focus on his actions, not on the person himself. Mention some positive things, such as that you like working for the company and that the boss has impressive credentials.

6. Find another job. You know you are on the right side of the issue, and your boss is the one behaving badly. Why should you be the one to leave? However, if the abuse is adversely affecting your health, now is not the time to be stubborn on principle. Your health matters, so find another job and get out. You can pursue legal action even if you are no longer employed by that company.

Tips & Warnings

• If or when you look for a new job, do not talk bad about your boss. Employers do not want to hire someone who might talk bad about them, too. Attribute your job search to factors like you are seeking new challenges or are ready for a change of pace.

References

• CNNMoney; Dealing with an Abusive Boss; Gerri Willis; October 2004
• CNET; How to Handle an Abusive Boss; Steve Tobak; August 2007
• "Entrepreneur" Magazine; Abusive Managers at Work; Nancy Mercurio; Spring 2007
• State of Missouri; "A Few Simple Rules for Dealing with Difficult People At Work"; Allan Forbis; Fall 2003