How to Apologize for Bad Behavior

When you were a child and you misbehaved, the consequence may have been a scolding from a parent, along with the demand for an apology, sincere or not. Now, as an adult, offering a sincere apology may be a challenge. However, every once in a while, we mess up and have to offer a much needed apology.

When offering an apology, there are a few important steps to follow. Otherwise, you risk your apology sounding insincere, or being perceived incorrectly.

Difficulty: Easy

Instructions

1. Before you begin your actual apology, think about what you are apologizing for. Clearly, you've displayed some kind of bad behavior, but what exactly did you do that warrants an apology? How did your negative behavior make someone feel?

2. Determine the best method for delivering your apology. Sometimes, extravagant measures have value (such as having flowers delivered), but often, a spoken or written apology does the trick.
   
   Think about the person that you need to apologize to. What kind of apology would mean the most to this person? A few options are:
   
   * An in person apology. If you think the person that is upset with you will listen, why not go to the person's home and ask to speak to them? This will allow for good, face-to-face dialogue, and will allow you to discuss your apology and the situation at hand.
   
   * An apology over the phone. This will allow you to explain yourself and open dialogue, but will be likely less stressful than a face-to-face apology. Keep in mind that phones can be hung up, though, so keep the risks in mind.
   
   * An apology via voicemail. This may occur if you call someone but they do not pick up. In this case, you may choose to apologize briefly and ask the person to call you back to discuss your apology further.
   
   * An email apology. This may be effective if you have a lot to say and you need to think it through before presenting it. However, this is less personal than other apologies, and can be forwarded and shared with others.

3. Get yourself mentally ready to apologize. If you aren't ready, you may stumble through your apology, making it less effective. Before you apologize, do some stretches, breathe, and make sure that you are in a sound mental state. Also, only apologize when you believe the other person is mentally ready for the apology. If it is too soon because there is still too much pain, take a break and wait, even if it's tough for you.

4. Plan or document the key points of your apology. You do not want to apologize for half of what you are sorry for, while still leaving out an important portion of it.

5. Take the plunge and visit, call or email the person who you are apologizing to. Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. If you call and the person does not pick up, decide whether or not you plan to leave a voicemail. It may be a good idea to do so, or the person may be annoyed or curious as to why you called.

6. When you apologize, focus on yourself and what you did, in the context of how it made the other person feel. For example, say things like, "I am sorry that I did that because it hurt you. I made a mistake, and I did not consider your feelings." Essentially, take ownership for what you did to the other person, and let them know that you are facing and accepting your actions.

7. After your initial apology, gauge the recipient's reaction. If they sound unresponsive, it may be best to back away and let the recipient of the apology decide how the relationship should continue. If the person is responsive, try to start an open dialogue. Discussing the situation at hand may be tough, but coming together to understand it will help to make everyone feel better and move past it.

8. If your initial apology fails, do not be afraid to apologize again in the future. However, give the person that you are apologizing to the time that they need between apologies. Overwhelming someone with multiple apologies can backfire badly.

[alltrails]

on 9/15/2009 Good ideas for apologizing. 5 stars - thanks!