How to Discipline a Child With Positive Guidance

Use positive reinforcement and clear guidelines to take the sting out of discipline.

The word "discipline" often evokes negative connotations and memories of time-outs, getting yelled at or spanked by parents and teachers. Discipline, however, is really about educating a child. Teach a child what to do and what not to do in a reasonable way that is appropriate to and appeals to the child, and he will be positively guided toward good behavior. This will make the child's life easier as he gets older -- and life will be simpler and less stressful for the parents, too.

Instructions

1. Give the child directions with clear, natural and simple instructions. This will avoid misunderstandings that could lead to a need for discipline in the first place. For example, instead of saying, "Put your coat over there," say, "Take your coat off and put it on the bottom hanger of the coat rack in the corner when you come in."

2. Give the child positive instructions, telling him what he should do instead of what he should not do. For instance, instead of saying, "Don't pick that up with your fingers," you could say, "Eat with your fork."

3. Use persuasion when making requests. Practice responsible behavior yourself, and persuade the child to act responsibly instead of shouting orders. Instead of yelling, "Take off those muddy boots," for example, you could say, "It's time to go in now, so let's take these dirty shoes off and put them over there."

4. Do not give the child a choice when he does not have one. If the child has to do something, authoritatively tell him to do it instead of framing the directive as a choice. Instead of saying, "Are you going to wash your hands before dinner or not?", say, "Wash your hands so you can eat dinner."

5. Know what children can and cannot do. Young children often need attention, and they will seek this attention by acting out. Give them attention in another way so they do not have to get in trouble to get your attention. Young children are also unable to sit still for long periods, so make sure they stay involved in activities.

6. Act how you want your child to act. If you overreact to things with emotion, your child will likely copy this behavior. If you scream at your child, he likely will copy this behavior, now and in the future. Hold your temper when your child misbehaves so he will not lose his temper with you, too.

7. Teach children by using logical consequences. Adults follow the rules of society because if they do not, they will experience negative consequences. This is also true for children, but the consequences often must be moderated by the parent. If a child is hitting another child with a toy, take away the toy instead of getting upset, for instance.

8. Give children reasons for rules. Rules are easier for children to obey if they understand why they need to be kept. "Don't pet the dog at the table; he's dirty and you could get sick," will more effectively and positively discipline the child than simply saying, "Stop petting the dog."

References

• "Making Discipline Positive"; Rajeswari Natrajan and Judith Myers-Wells; "Provider-Parent Partnerships"; 2010
• "Positive Guidance and Discipline Strategies"; M. Marion; "Guidance of Young Children"; 2007

Resources

• Auburn University: College of Human Services: Guidance and Discipline