How to Get Over Someone Painlessly

Know any jerks? Of course you do. They may not intentionally be so, but in any event, you want to keep your distance from them. The best way to do this is to exert as little energy as possible towards them. Read on!

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• apathy

1. DELETE THEIR PHONE NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE. If you even have it, that is. Ask yourself why that is if so. Delete all their contact info. Do not contact them for any reason.

2. DO NOT REMEMBER THEIR BIRTHDAY. Do not contact them to say Happy Birthday. Do not contact them to wish them happy holidays. What do you care what they're doing and how their festivities are faring?

3. THINK OF A MORE APPROPRIATE NAME TO CALL THEM OTHER THAN THEIR NAME AND REFER TO THAT NAME IN YOUR HEAD. And do not choose an endearing nickname. Chances are, the jerk has treated you as less than human. Why acknowledge them in your mind (should they ever come to your mind, and hopefully that doesn't occur) when they clearly wouldn't do the same for you?

4. DON'T HANG OUT WHERE THEY HANG OUT. This is kind of a gray area. You don't want to put too much effort into actively avoiding someone. A cost-benefit analysis would be helpful. If all of your friends hang out where the jerk does, you might reconsider. Otherwise, make every effort to not engage in their social activities. Remember: guilt by association. If this person has a questionable character, stay away! You don't want to get blamed for any of their wrongdoings.

5. DON'T ASK MUTUAL FRIENDS ABOUT THEM. Just forget them. They're not worth your time or energy. Think of how much time and energy they've taken from you. Is a little bit of gossip really worth introducing them back into your thoughts? Think about that. Remember also that there's a chance it'll get back to them. If you really cared about this person, you'd want to talk to them directly. Don't revert back to junior high and use your social network as an intermediary. If this sounds tempting, you probably don't have enough going on in your life.

6. MAKE A LIST OF ALL OF THEIR NEGATIVE TRAITS. When in doubt of your feelings, remind yourself of all of the ways this person makes you feel bad and why. You can recall the good too (if there is any) and compare the good to bad ratio. You might have to redo this a few times, but if you have a lot of negative feelings, reread what you've written to remind yourself that you're sick of getting the shaft and there are legitimate reasons why. Remind yourself that this is about you being hurt, and not about blaming this person for being lame. Chances are, they think they're awesome or just don't care about the effects of their behavior.

7. DON'T PLAY ANY PRACTICAL JOKES ON THEM. Again, not worth your energy. Do this to someone whom you want to remember your sense of humor and someone you'd like to hear from again. Any attempt at revenge will only keep that person fresh in your mind, which is exactly where you don't want them to be. They might even end up contacting you. DO NOT DO IT!

Tips & Warnings

• Let go of whatever happened between you and them in the past. Realize that the situation was not conducive to a positive interaction. Blame nobody and recognize things for what they were: not ideal. Avoid analyzing why; accept everything for what it is and shift your focus to something else.
• This isn't about being mean to someone or rejecting them. This is about self-preservation. Remove someone from your life if they're toxic to your existance!
• This article is inspired by all of the times I've been asked, "What can I do to _________ (pacify someone who treats me poorly)". Nothing! Is your answer.