How to Start a Simple Conversation
The art of conversation often ties people in knots. However, good conversation is simple if one remembers to be open, receptive and relaxed. By starting with simple conversation, one can gradually deepen a connection until talk becomes more meaningful. As Ross Bonander of AskMen.com says, many hate to start a conversation "...because they don't want to face the kind of social rejection that is a possibility."
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Instructions
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Start a Conversation
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Convey approachability through open and receptive body language. Drop crossed arms to your sides, or clasp your hands behind your back to open up the chest. Give a genuine smile that lights up the eyes, and avoid scowling or frowning. Try to staunch nervous habits like toe-tapping or fingernail picking, since these can cause others to feel anxious in your company.
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Start with an open-ended question that leads people to speak at length. Good topics include events from the past weekend, the health or whereabouts of a mutual acquaintance, or what's happening in a particular class in school. Parents, in particular, love to discuss their children, so bring up young ones. Make sure that the question cannot be answered with a simple yes or no.
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Show that you're listening and digesting the information by turning the answer into a question. If your conversation partner says, "I had a great time at the beach this weekend," say in reply, "Oh, you had fun at the beach, huh? What did you do?" Bonander says, "By doing [this], you pre-empt the inclination to respond with unsolicited advice or a one-up story..., and you will allow the other person to delve deeper into the topic."
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Start changing your status in the conversation from starter to listener. This is the time to start answering questions and receive information. It also shows that you're willing to share the "power" of leading the discussion with someone else--a precursor to strengthening a relationship with another.
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Include everyone in the group so that no one feels slighted. An easy way to do this is to make certain everyone is visible to all others. Form a circle. According to motivational speaker and management consultant Margaret Wheatley, "In a circle, everyone is equal. Thus, the form itself is crucial to a good conversation."
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Tips & Warnings
Wheatley also advises using a talking piece, an object that is passed around to signal a turn at speaking. This is a clean cut way to keep order in larger groups, but may seem awkward in smaller social settings. Use a pencil, stick, or other object, if desired.
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- Photo Credit 2005 eye2eye: Flickr.com
