How to Hide Your Facebook Addiction
Everyone loves Facebook. In fact, some people just sit on it all day long, commenting away. What losers, right? Wait, that's you? Ok, so it's addictive, and once you have more than 50 friends, it's ever so easy to get caught up in everyone's status updates, photos, and foolish quiz results. And that's not even including interactive games - getting involved in Mafia Wars can plant someone's rump on a couch longer than a Lost 5 season marathon. Yes, it's extremely easy to get addicted to Facebook, but follow these steps and no one will know you are!
Instructions
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Make sure your chat status is "offline" most of the time. In the bottom left corner is a box you can click to chat with people who are online at that moment. If you open it, you can change your status to offline. You can still view your friends' walls, picture albums, and info ad infinitum, and no one will know! You are completely stealth...until you start posting, and then people will start to wonder.
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Avoid updating your status more than one time per day. In fact, even once a day is too much. You won't look cool, and you won't seem interesting if you post every little thing you do. You'll just look sad and desperate for attention, like you have no life. Your friends will probably get so sick of your status updates, they may block all of your future postings from view.
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Wait to respond to your friends' status updates. If you constantly respond within a few minutes of your friends posting, it will appear that you are squatting on Facebook, just waiting to pounce on someone's page, or anything that pops up really. How terribly sad! Plus, you will begin to look like a stalker. If every time Ryan posts, you "like" it, Ryan's certainly going to start wondering about you...
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As you peruse your friends' photo albums on Facebook, restrict your comments to only one or two pictures. Of course you want to be nice, and let your friends know how much you like their photos (Nobody wants crickets! Most people post to get comments.) However, only allow yourself to comment on two pictures. If you comment too much, it will appear as though you've been scrutinizing the album all day long. Hello, is that all you have to do?
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Limit your own Facebook photo albums to 5 or 6 pics. Do your friends really need to see 56 pictures of a bridge in Missouri? Come on. We all know it takes some time to upload photos on Facebook, so if you have a million, it's obvious you've been on Facebook a lengthy amount of time and that's what you want to hide! Refrain from posting photos too often, as well. Limit yourself to every few weeks. Then Facebook friends will be interested in your pictures, and you'll avoid "Oh terrific, MORE photos of Lisa's kids..." being said behind your back.
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Stop changing your profile pic every day! Only tweens do that...or blatant attention seekers.
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Rarely take part in any Facebook application. You can take a quiz once in a while just to see what your hillbilly name is, or which Golden Girl you are, but if you do, make sure to click "skip" after your get your results. That way, it won't be published on your wall for all to see. Those who also take the quiz will still be able to see that you did, too, but that's not as bad since you're both guilty.
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Skip the interactive games entirely. No Mafia Wars, Hammer Fall, Castle Age, Sorority Life, Farmville, Texas Hold 'Em, Hatchlings, Glamour Age, Vampire Wars, or (God forbid) Farkle! Nothing! These games will hijack your existence, and make you look most desperate of all. Besides, do you really have to time to play these games night and day? If you said yes, play them on another site - not Facebook! When Andy gets your fiftieth posting saying "Elaine needs an untraceable cell phone" in Mafia Wars, he's going to delete you!
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Let friends add YOU on Facebook, don't go looking for them. Even when you see somebody you desperately want to add, don't do it. Instead, casually make a comment under one of his/hers so you can put it out there that you are on Facebook too, then wait. If the person wants you as a friend, he/she will add you. You'll seem less needy this way. And if someone does decide to add you, don't jump the gun and accept right away. Let it sit a while.
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Tips & Warnings
Allow your Facebook inbox to fill up. You don't have to answer every email right away.
Ignore most requests...especially friend requests from people you don't know.
Following these steps will get you admiration.
