How to Increase Emotional Intimacy
With the stress and busy-ness of life, emotional intimacy may have taken a backseat to paying bills and carpooling. Emotional intimacy can brighten your outlook and diminish feelings of loneliness and isolation. In other words, it's good for your soul.
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Instructions
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Look at Each Other
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Get your partner to agree to spend 15 minutes increasing your emotional intimacy with no distractions.
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Find a comfortable spot where you can look at each other from a distance of about three to six feet.
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Look into each other's eyes without looking away. Continue looking until you can stop laughing and feel at least somewhat comfortable. This is really hard for some people.
Talk to Each Other
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Say a statement to your partner about something you notice. Maybe you notice how her hair reflects the sunlight. Perhaps you notice that he has a 5 o'clock shadow. Don't share feelings, just observations.
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Your partner then states back what she heard (i.e. "You said you noticed how my hair reflects the sunlight"), and adds what she takes away from what you said ("What I take away from that is that you like my hair when it's clean"). If what you take away is negative, state it without blame ("What I take away from that is that you wish I had left my hair long").
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Let it hang there. Resist the temptation to correct, fix or manage. Just notice what your partner is getting from your words. If you want to clarify your meaning, do it after the 15 minutes is up.
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Your partner then gets to make a statement or observation back to you. Your only response is to mimic back what you heard, then say what you took away from the statement. Continue back and forth for 15 minutes.
Notice
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Notice how easy or hard it is to maintain eye contact. Eyes are the windows to the soul, and sometimes we can let them get fogged up or see things that aren't there.
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Notice how you feel about what your partner says. Try to respect what your partner is offering and accept it with gratitude.
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Notice how you feel when you offer something to your partner. Try to stay present and in the moment, without bringing up things from the past or subtly trying to send a message.
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Tips & Warnings
Keep distractions to a minimum. Keep it to 15 minutes. Talk about anything that came up after the 15 minutes is over. Don't blame or shame.
Emotional intimacy may lead to physical intimacy, but it is not the goal. Getting to know each other better is the goal. If things start to get too uncomfortable, stop and resume another time. Enjoy!
References
Resources
- Photo Credit Microsoft Office Clips
