How to Write a Condolence Card or a Sympathy Card

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By Langley Cornwell
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A condolence card or a sympathy card is a powerful way to show someone that you care during a particularly difficult time or after the death of a loved one. A heart felt sympathy or condolence note will become a treasured keepsake, a lasting memento of your friendship and support during a challenging life event. As you write a note of sympathy, consider that it will be a tangible reminder of your loving thoughts during a time of profound grief. As such, endeavor to write an intimate letter of condolence that communicates genuine sentiment.

A personal condolence card is too intimate to follow a set format. Use these suggestions as a guide for writing a sensitive and meaningful condolence note or sympathy card.

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

Note Cards
Compassion

Step 1

Gather your thoughts before writing a condolence or sympathy note

Find a quiet place and let your thoughts drift to the bereaved friend and the sadness s/he must feel. Think of your desire to offer comfort.

Remember the person who is suffering or has died. Think of the person in as much detail as possible. An authentic note that shares a vivid memory of the person may assist younger family members in feeling closer to the person. Even if your memory is of a small or insignificant incident, it is worth recording.

At this time do not think about the actual words you will write, simply listen to your heart. When writing a condolence note, sincerity is far more important than eloquence.
Step 2

Write the condolence note or sympathy card

Once you have your thoughts organized, construct your note as simply and genuinely as possible. It’s okay to be brief but be entirely honest; it’s fine to admit that you don’t know what to say. Keep the sympathy note compassionately focused on the recipient.

If someone has died, share a favorite memory of the deceased or write a fond story about that person. Composing a heart-felt sympathy note with colorful details will become a treasured gift. If you did not know the person mention how your friend felt about the person, and write about the memories they shared. (Example: Though I never met your dad I remember stories of the happy childhood hide-and-seek games you played with him during family beach vacations.) Be as detailed as possible. The idea is for you to add to a recorded memory bank of the person. Your note, in concert with other sympathy notes, will comfort your bereaved friend and create a tangible legacy of the person for future generations.
Step 3

Avoid assumptions, clichés and poems when writing a condolence note

Do not write about details of the illness or death, or of how it makes you feel. If someone is ill and you don’t know the details of their situation, do not wish them a quick recovery. Avoid phrases like ‘its better this way,’ ‘time heals all wounds’ or ‘I know how you feel.’ Grieving is a personal process. Skip statements that imply that the bereaved should feel a certain way. Don’t include long quotes or poems about suffering or dying. Keep the note simple and from the heart.

A condolence or a sympathy note should express a sincere desire to comfort the grieving friend and an authentic appreciation for the one who has gone.