How to Ruin Your Teenager's Life

Warning: Do not expect your teen to be happy about having her life ruined!

Every parent knows that the objective of parenting is to ruin the child's life. While it is challenging to truly devastate your offspring's life, it is completely possible. Many parents before you have successfully ruined their kids' lives and you can too. Learn everything necessary to ruin your teenager's life.

Instructions

1. 

   Assign chores. No teenager should be saddled with household chores when they could be texting, hanging out with friends or watching television. If you want to take the first step toward ruining your teen's life, you must assign some chores and expect them to be done. If you apply consequences to undone chores, then that will go even further in ruining the teenager's life.

2. 

   Get involved with your teenager's education. Nothing could be worse for a teenager than parents showing up at school, whether it is for a parent-teacher conference, a booster club meeting or worst of all, volunteering to help during the day. This step is guaranteed to totally ruin your teenager's life. No teenager should have to put up with parents who are involved in their school. It is their school; parents should keep out and mind their own business! After all, nothing could be more embarrassing for a teenager than the other students finding out he has parents. Therefore, if you want to really mess up your teen's life, then it is important to show up at school as much as possible so that other people know that you exist.

3. 

   Care about your teenager's grades. This one is self-explanatory. Especially if you paid attention to Step 2. Whose name is on that report card? Is it your name? No, it is your teenager's name. Those are your teenager's grades. They do not concern you! Your teenager knows that success in life is much more likely without parental interference in something as inconsequential as grades. If you want to ruin your teenager's life, be sure to show interest in her grades. If you want to take it a step further and truly devastate your teen's life, then apply consequences to poor grades.

4. 

   Monitor your teen's wardrobe. If you want to be sure your teenager's life is ruined, do not let them show their underwear in public. Everyone knows there is a high correlation between success in life and showing one's underwear. Pants that sag to reveal boxers, revealing tops that make bra straps part of the outfit, jeans that ride low enough to reveal that your daughter wears thong panties, are all associated with success. If your goal is to ruin the teen's life, you must not allow any of these fashion statements. Similarly, no short skirts, string bikinis or pants tight enough to leave no body contours to the imagination. Insisting upon modesty is sure to ruin your teen's life and put them on the fast road to doom.

5. 

   Get to know your teenager's friends. Once again, these people are your teen's friends, not yours. Who your teen chooses to hang out with is none of your concern. It does not matter if you like them or not. If your teen wants to hang out with a bunch of bad biker dudes who are 30 years old and just released from prison, just look at it as your kid broadening her horizons. You should not be so narrow-minded as to judge everyone on their appearance. After all, people change. Just because Bruno went to prison for 10 years doesn't make him a bad person. Didn't you ever make any mistakes? He's really nice once you get to know him. If you would just give him a chance, you would probably find that out. If you want to ruin her life, just go ahead and make her stay home instead of going to that party at the Outlaw Gang's headquarters Friday night.

6. 

   Do not let your teen have fun. Teenagers have entirely too much fun, and it is up to parents to restrict it as much as possible. Forget that you gave permission for soccer, Jr. ROTC, powder puff football, marching band, or step team. Those activities are just for show. They are not really fun and teenagers do not really enjoy them. Do not think that because you provided your teenager with the most state-of-the-art cable television package, video games, computers or sound equipment that they consider themselves as having "anything to do." No way! The only fun that teenagers can really have is out of the house and away from parental scrutiny. After all, everyone is entitled to the pursuit of happiness. Having fun makes teenagers happy. Absolutely do not allow any fun if you are determined to ruin your teenager's life.

7. 

   Apply boredom. Numerous scientic studies have found that boredom actually causes teenage brain cells to die. What could be more useful to your goal of ruining your teenager's life than to actually destroy parts of her brain via boredom. Boredom is actually very easy for parents to apply, because the only thing they have to do is to make the teenager participate in activities with the family, such as going to family reunions, to visit Grandma, or to church. Even activities such as vacations or an outing to the amusement park can be made boring by making them family activities.

8. 

   Prevent your teenager from doing what everyone else is doing. This is the most important aspect of destroying your teenager's life. As teens, they should be allowed to do what everyone else does, to endanger their own lives and even to kill themselves if they want to. What business is it of yours? The important key to success is that your teenager is able to do what everyone else does. If you absolutely want to ruin your teen's life, this is the essential rule to follow.

Tips & Warnings

• If you need help in ruining your teen's life, enlist the aid of other parents. Often when parents communicate with one another, they can tag team their kids and multiply their effectiveness at ruining their teenagers' lives exponentially.

• Do not expect your teenager to be happy about having her life ruined. She may cry, yell at you, or make hateful remarks. Power plays and emotional blackmail are not unheard of from some savvy teenagers whose parents are trying to ruin their lives.