How to Avoid Saying the Wrong Things to Your Wife or Girlfriend


It took me years to figure out, and I'm still learning, what not to say and do around my wife. Men, we have a long way to go in understanding the woman.

Things You'll Need

  • A subconcious willingness to conform.
  • A Brain, the larger one.
  • Face it, guys. We Don't Understand Women. Will we ever? That is one of the questions that philosophers and scientists and scholars have been secretly studying since the beginning of time. Yet, after all this research, we still continue to say the wrong things and do the wrong things... even though we KNOW that it is wrong and will get you the "stare". I know that some of the things I'm going to reveal will be reviewed by the "secret society of feminine domination", so if you never hear from me again, you'll know why. May God have mercy on my soul.

  • First, and probably the most important. Don't leave the toilet seat up. How often do we get cursed at for doing so? It's right there, just close it. And please check the seat to make sure that nothing has accidentally fallen on it. Men, you know what I mean!
    Next... never answer any question by your wife while you are reading the newspaper, a magazine, or watching sports. This will only cause you a world of hurt. The answer you give her may be interpreted as this: "Yes, dear... you do look fat in those jeans." or "Honey, you might as well give dinner to the dogs, if they'll eat it." If you don't pay attention to the question, you don't know what you are answering.

  • If you go shopping with your wife, do not.. I repeat, do NOT give her that I'm so bored right now I wish I was receiving Chinese torture instead. This will lead to a new definition of words that have never been heard before.
    And while shopping, do not tell her... "I don't know, honey, just grab it and let's go.. the race is on." OMG.
    If she asks you where you want to eat, which restaurant... give an answer in a complete, articulate answer. Leaving her to decide will have you eating Tofu.

  • Finally, if you go to the beach and think you're going to get away with a little "sneaky poo" at a young girl in a bikini... forget about it. You may not pay for it then, but you will sometime in the future when you least expect it. Here is that scenario: "Hey, darlin'... you sure do look good tonight, how 'bout we, you know..." Answer from wife: "Well, I sure as hell don't look as good as that girl you were drooling over at the beach, now am I?!!!"
    I hope you have learned just a few things to avoid saying or doing.
    This message will detonate in ten minutes. Write down or print it out before it goes boom and you are n

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