How to Discipline Your Three, Four, Five, and Six Year Old Consistently and Effectively

Effective child discipline requires the parent to practice an even stricter self-discipline. In this article you will learn how to effectively discipline your three - six year old child. The KEY, which we have all heard too many times to count, is consistency.

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Patience
• Consistency
• A "Time-Out" Spot
• An Alternative "Time-Out" Plan (for outside of the home discipline)
• A Straight Face
• A Firm Voice
• 1 -2 Hours a Day

1. HAVE A LIST OF RULES POSTED IN YOUR HOME AT YOUR CHILD'S EYE LEVEL
   
   Your child does NOT need to be able to read. They only need to be able to SEE the rules. Choosing your rules is critical. The quantity of rules should be equal to your child's age. For example, if your child is three (3), you should have three (3) rules on your list. We are all familiar with the concept of "picking our battles." The Rules List is a definite exercise in prioritizing. Each rule should be conceptual versus actual. In other words, a specific rule that states, "Do Not Leave My Toys in the Living Room," will NOT suffice. Instead, use "Take Care of My Belongings." The latter will then include toys, books, clothes, bedrooms, and ALL of their belongings. The purpose of discipline is to create self-discipline in our children. So they must learn to think conceptually. Another good rule is: "Respect Myself, My Family, and My Friends." This rule allows you to give a consequence for talking back, fighting, using mean and/or disrespectful words, AND not following instructions in general. In this way, you are teaching your child that their disobedience is actually an act of disrespect, which is against the rules. The goal is for your child to start making their own good decisions about not behaving in a way that would be considered against the rules. They will learn VERY QUICKLY! They will surprise you with how much they actually start thinking in depth about their actions.

2. READ THE RULES OUT LOUD WITH YOUR CHILD EVERY DAY.
   
   You should make this some part of your morning routine. Right before breakfast, after they brush their teeth, or when they wake up. Do NOT skip this part. Trust me, your child will MEMORIZE the rules this way, whether or not they can read.

3. GIVE YOUR CHILD ONE WARNING WHEN S/HE BREAKS A RULE.
   
   ... BELOW, indicates a "fill in the blank" appropriately.
   
   You do not want your child to feel that they are "always" in trouble. Although that is almost never the case, when a child perceives it as truth, their reaction is to rebel. When you catch your child breaking a rule, call your child by their name and ask him/her to come to you. If they do not come by the second request, walk calmly over to your child. Kneel down so that your face is at their eye level, and in a FIRM voice say, "...Child's name...You have broken rule number ... by doing ... Everyone makes mistakes so I am going to give you a warning. If you break rule number ... again today, you will have a consequence. It is important that you give one warning per rule per day, before giving a consequence. If your child breaks rule number one (1) and gets a warning, then immediately breaks rule number two (2) you should still give a warning for rule number two (2). On the second time your child breaks any given rule, you should give a consequence, and one for every time thereafter that the rule is broken throughout the day. The key is CONSISTENCY.

4. PUT YOUR CHILD IN A "TIME-OUT" FOR A PERIOD OF TIME THAT IS EQUAL TO THEIR AGE.
   
   ... BELOW, indicates a "fill in the blank" appropriately.
   
   When you catch your child breaking a rule for the second time or more in one day, call your child by their name and ask him/her to come to you. If they do not come by the second request, walk calmly over to your child. Kneel down so that your face is at their eye level, and in a FIRM voice say, "...Child's name...You have broken rule number ... for the second/third/fourth time today... by doing ... Everyone makes mistakes BUT YOU HAVE ALREADY BEEN GIVEN a warning. Now, you will have a consequence. Please go to "time-out" until I call you."
   
   At home you should have a regular "time-out" location that your child will sit in. Once you tell your child to go to "time-out," do NOT engage in their "negotiations." Do not accept a sorry in lieu of the consequence. Inform your child that you will talk about it when their "time-out is over." Do not speak to your child again until their "time-out" is over. It is okay if your child cries. It is okay if your child is angry. Ignore the behavior. It will not last if you are CONSISTENT.
   
   Outside of the home uses the same approach above. This is important! For many of you it will require stepping far outside your comfort zone. As parents, we have a tendency to avoid any public attention regarding our children's misbehavior. Whether in the grocery store, in the car, or at a friends, you MUST be willing to use the same rules outside the home as you do in your home. This includes following through with your discipline system. You will teach your child to RESPECT you and the rules if you are willing to follow through. Often times, our children are so smart that they are anticipating and counting on us to feel too uncomfortable to discipline them in front of strangers, and assume they can "get away with anything" in public.
   
   Like I said earlier, this system requires the parent to have self-discipline and follow through. Otherwise, it will not be effective. Be prepared to sit your child down in the middle of the super-market, pull off to the side of the road, or excuse yourself from the middle of a discussion with friends. This will teach your child that you EXPECT them to follow the rules EVERYWHERE. Keep in mind that the time will soon come when your child is at school, sleep-overs, and other activities where you will not be able to monitor their behavior.

5. DISCUSS THE REASON YOUR CHILD WAS PUT IN "TIME-OUT."
   
   When your child has completed his/her "time-out," BRIEFLY discuss the broken rule. Request an apology. Say thank you. Give hugs.

6. ACKNOWLEDGE AND REWARD GOOD BEHAVIOR.
   
   You do not have to buy your child a new toy every time s/he follows a rule. However, you MUST make a conscious effort to ACKNOWLEDGE their good behavior. Remember, if your child believes that s/he is "always in trouble," it will result in rebellion. Just like adults, children want to be recognized for their efforts. When you see your child do something with at positive attitude, show respect to their family, and care for their belongings, PRAISE THEM!
   
   And ONCE IN A WHILE, a new toy is okay.

Tips & Warnings

• If you do not follow this system in it's entirety, it will not work. There are no shortcuts to discipline. It might seem like it is getting worse before it gets better. Trust me, this WILL work. Just be consistent!

[ShannaFuentes]

on 9/13/2009 I wish I could do this!! Sounds great and great article, but the husband disagrees with time outs, because he was raised different than most!! Very frustrating, and you can't have consistency if both parents aren't on board!! I love your article though!!