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Step 1
Here is a list of the elements that go into this event:
--Preparation of the Bat/Bar-Mitzvah child
--Service (including coordination with the rabbi and cantor)
--Facilities and Accommodations
--Invitations and thank-you notes
--Ritual objects (tallis, yarmulkes, challah, etc.)
--Honors and participation of guests
--Food and Celebration (including the events before and after the actual service)
--Videography/Photography
Let's look at each element. -
Step 2
Preparation of the Bat/Bar-Mitzvah should begin far enough in advance to give him/her enough time to learn everything expected. If you are affiliated with a synagogue, the Hebrew School will have a standard training program. If not, then find teachers for your child. Remember that a person can be Bat/Bar-Mitvahed at any age, so don't rush it if your child will not be prepared by the age of 13. Once you have your plan for your child's training in place, then you must set a date so that the appropriate Torah portion can be assigned. While your child is learning the Torah portion in Hebrew, spend time with him/her reading the portion in English and discussing what aspect of the portion s/he would like to speak about. Work with your rabbi or other spiritual leader to identify resources that shed light on the portion for your child to study as s/he works on the teaching to be delivered. Support your child in developing this teaching. If your child is required to perform community service as part of the preparation, then set this up.
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Step 3
The heart of the Bat/Bar-Mitzvah is the moment when your child reads from the Torah and the surrounding service in which the jewel of that moment is set. Work with your rabbi and your child to design a service that is meaningful to your family. You may wish to select supplementary reading, songs, and other pieces to make the service your own or you may wish to follow the service traditionally done at your synagogue. Be sure to identify the spiritual leader(s), rabbi(s), and/or cantor(s) who will lead your service and meet with all of them to discuss how you want it done. Make sure everyone is on the same page. If you use supplemental materials, then have copies printed for the congregation to follow.
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Step 4
Select the locations for the events of the weekend and book well in advance to secure them. Facilities will include the hotel for out-of-town guests, the location of the Friday night dinner for close family and friends, the location of the service (usually the synagogue), the location of the luncheon following the service (usually the synagogue), and the location of the Saturday night party if you have one. Many people also have a brunch on Sunday for close friends and family and/or out-of-town guests. You may need to rent extra chairs, arrange for a P.A. system, or other items. Make a list. You can usually get a reduced room rate at a hotel for a group. Call hotels to inquire. It is not advisable to have family or friends stay at your home before the Saturday service as your child will need a calm and quiet place to unwind and prepare, not to mention a good night's sleep the night before.
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Step 5
You can have invitations printed or you can make your own on your computer. If you have them printed, you may want to have thank-you notes printed at the same time. Write out your guest list to figure out how many invitations. Remember to have an invitation printed in the synagogue newsletter. Invitations are usually mailed about six weeks before the event. We sent invitations to out-of-town guests three months in advance, and we emailed out-of-towners about a year in advance to give them a heads-up to save the date.
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Step 6
It is customary to give the Bat/Bar-Mitzvah a personal tallis. I recommend that you have your child select the tallis so you know they like it. Order yarmulkes with name and event date printed in them. You will need a head-count (sorry, couldn't resist) to figure out how many to order. Leave plenty of lead time to have them delivered. Remember to order challah in advance and any other necessary ritual items, such as wine or schnapps. We bought our rabbi a pair of Israeli candlestick holders as a gift and we bought our son a Kiddush cup of his own. We presented these to each of them at the Friday night dinner before the weekend began.
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Step 7
Make a list of the close family and friends you wish to honor with an aliyah or other special participatory act and then invite them to accept the honor. If you want them to read something, give it to them well in advance. Provide the rabbi with a list of the names in English and Hebrew of each honoree and the honor they will perform.
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Step 8
Plan for the food at all surrounding events well in advance. This will range from having every food event catered to providing a potluck luncheon after the service. There is probably a balabusta or two in your congregation who would love to manage the luncheon organization for you. Be sure that someone other than the parents and close family are in charge of putting the food out for the luncheon. If you plan to decorate, organize a decorating committee and make a list of the decorations to help you purchase. Remember flowers, balloons, centerpieces, etc. for the tables. You may want to hire a band to perform at the luncheon or the evening party. Remember to order a cake for the luncheon. Finally, hire a videographer and/or photographer to record the event.
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Step 9
One of the most important things to remember when planning an event of this maginitude is to enlist the aid of others. Many friends and family will want to help. Accept their offers and delegate responsibility. Make sure that the close family of the Bat/Bar-Mitzvah is not responsible for doing anything on the morning of the big day. That is a time to enjoy and celebrate your lovely child as they make the passage into the adult world and declare their lifelong commitment to Judaism.
Comments
marvoloso said
on 9/5/2009 For those planning a bar or bat mitzvah in London, or the UK, partyoffers has a great article that may be of use. http://www.partyoffers.co.uk/parties/barmitzvah_party_organisers/ They can also help with organising the services you might need, such as entertainment or catering.
howdoyado said
on 8/30/2009 sorry, I'm new to this and have no idea how to edit comments... please also forgive my typo in the word "Traditionally."
howdoyado said
on 8/30/2009 *small correction-please ignore the "is" in, "Traditinally, a girl is..."
howdoyado said
on 8/30/2009 A Bar-Mitzvah CELEBRATION can be held at any time. A Jewish boy BECOMES a Bar-Mitzvah at the age of 13. Just like a birthday, the date of becoming Bar-Mitzvah cannot be changed; however, the celebration held for such an event can occur at any point. Once a Jewish boy turns 13, he is responsible for himself as a Jewish man. (Traditionally, a girl is becomes responsible for herself as a Jewish woman at the age of 12.) Please don't confuse the correct phrase of "becoming a Bar-Mitzvah" with the commonly employed one of "being Bar-Mitzvahed."