How to Write Better Facebook Statuses
Variety is the spice of Facebook! Facebook statuses can be mundane, interesting, trivial, profound, useful, insightful, or anything! Consider how many of your statuses belong in these categories and avoid posting *all* drivel.
Instructions
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EMOTION. States how you're feeling. Example: "is feeling positive and upbeat. Bring on the world!"
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GAMBIT. Either subtly or overtly points to some lack that you hope someone will fulfill. Examples: "Anyone want to see Pixar's latest film?" "Thinking about checking out the Horse Feathers show at the Doug Fir tonight."
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REFERENCE. Many statuses contain a reference that addresses the question "What are the central concerns of this person?" or at the very least, "What are the central frivolous, casual, recreational, Facebook-type concerns of this person?" Example: "Biked 100 miles today!" shows that you are a biker. "Watched The Tragic Side of Comedy. So depressing. I hope I don't end up dying from cancer, suicide, drug overdose, car accident, or old age." is a status update from a comedian. Statuses will naturally have references, and specificity is much better than a generic post that could have come from anybody. But consider how you are representing yourself- if you are posting disproportionately often about a particular interest, or if there is something else about yourself you might reference.
Very specific references can become an inside joke or allusion that only some will get. However, pointing this out can be alienating to your other friends.
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QUESTION, GUIDANCE, CRY FOR HELP. This is when a person refers to their problems or solicits advice or help. Examples: "needs to find someone with a TV for Project Runway tonight!" "Just said 'totally tubular'...... good lord." "Does anyone have a skateboard I can borrow for today?"
Unlike the "Gambit" (#2), which is just tossing something out there, "the question" is a plain request. It often takes on a ring of neediness to it that is absent in the gambit. The cry for help feels more like a shot in the dark. Other times it's just a question. And there's nothing wrong with asking questions, reaching out or eliciting support on Facebook-- these are your friends, after all. Just don't do this too often. Which leads to...
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SERVICE. This is a tip from travel-writing: a reader doesn't just want to know what you did; he or she wants ideas for what they can do. Example: "Got a $109 flight NYC to CA- American Airlines Fire Sale!" When writing Facebook statuses, consider whether it's for you or for others. Try to strike a balance between your needs and their needs. Say something useful once in awhile.
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DRIVEL/ TRIVIAL. This requires no explanation because Facebook statuses have a natural tendency towards the trivial. Classic examples: any status update about what you ate or want to eat. "Thai food and Miyazaki... huzzah!" (Note: this at least contains something to look up. What is Miyazaki?)
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COMPLAINTS/ WHINING. Example: "UGGH...Exam tomorrow...i'm so gonna fail...HAHA...its tradition." This is similar to the "Question/ Cry for Help" status update. However, in this case the person doesn't even want help; they want commiseration or sympathy or simply to vent. It's tempting to say "don't do this," however that stifles creativity and people should feel free to post what they feel like. But it might be a good idea to mix in other statuses and be aware of whining too much.
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ABOUT FACEBOOK. Example: "has too many childhood pictures on his Facebook." Statuses about Facebook often get a lot of replies because everyone on Facebook is concerned with Facebook and has some opinion about it. Plus, when you are staring right at the site it's the first topic at hand. However, too many Facebook statuses about Facebook and you need to get off the site and find something else to talk about.
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RECURRING STATUS. This type of Facebook status breaks boundaries out of the typical one-line status and opens the door for creativity. You can build up a narrative, refer back to previous statuses, or show interesting variations and insights on the same theme. This is useful for an ongoing project in development. Repetition is effective because people who might not have had the chance to reply will do so later, after they have had time to think about it. Also, some people may warm up to the idea after seeing it a few times. However there is a difference between a building, develop status and a merely repetitive one.
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SELF-PROMOTION. Telling people about your events, shows or performances. A few times is okay, but every day, every hour leading up to it, and nothing else-- is annoying. Even if you seem to get results in the form of increased attendance, you will only be getting the people who are as dumb as posts and who don't know how to use a calendar. Speaking of which, it makes more sense to make it an "event" in Facebook, invite everyone you want to come, and leave it at that.
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OBSERVATIONAL, JUST FOR FUN, JOKES. More of these are always welcome, especially if they are good. And even if they are not- Facebook is a good way to get instant feedback on your funnies. Your flops will soon be buried under others' status updates.
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Tips & Warnings
Take a few minutes and literally copy and paste all of the current statuses on the first two pages of your Facebook news/ status feed. Then, personally categorize them and decide which ones you liked and which ones were irritating or inane. This will help you figure out what kind of Facebook status poster you want to be.
NEVER: too specific, only at one person: "@pizzagreatness: what was that podcast?"
NEVER: passive aggressive: "Is not your pal, buddy!"
NEVER: inflammatory: "Do you think torturing and murdering dogs for 6 years would help?"
