How to Compromise During a Difficult Situation in a Relationship

Be willing to meet each other halfway.

If you have to compromise during a difficult situation in a relationship, you're in a tough spot. Giving and taking the right amount during a relationship challenge isn't easy, but to save your relationship it's the only option. However, if you find that you're being forced to compromise on something major that you consider to be a "dealbreaker," then it might be time to end the relationship.

Instructions

1. Consider how important the situation that you are compromising about is in your relationship. If you are dealing with a small but difficult issue, be prepared to be generous when compromising -- you don't want to damage a relationship over something small. However, if you are compromising about a major issue, be ready to stand up for yourself.

2. Be calm before the discussion about the difficult situation begins. When you and your significant other are angry, words may be spoken from emotion, rather than being based on actual thought. Take a deep breath, relax, and then prepare to compromise about the situation.

3. Think through the situation that you are going to be compromising about -- from your perspective and the perspective of your partner. Keep in mind that neither one of you is right or wrong. Situations are just perceived differently by different people. Try to understand where your significant other is coming from in this challenging situation, even if you do not agree with his or her perspective.

4. Sit down with your partner and begin to talk. In the beginning of the conversation, address the issue at hand. Note that since you are both unhappy with resolutions that have been addressed for your difficult situation, you will need to compromise. This will set the stage for what is expected from the upcoming conversation.

5. Once you and your partner are ready to compromise, begin the open dialogue. Be sure to discuss how you feel without blaming your partner. Avoid statements like, "You want it your way because you're stubborn!" Instead, opt to say, "I understand your perspective on this situation, but I'd really prefer if we work together to find a situation that works for both of us."

6. Discuss the reasons why you feel that a compromise is necessary. Simply asking for one is not enough, because your partner may think that you are being unreasonable just for the sake of being unreasonable. When you explain to your partner why the compromise is important, he or she may be more willing to work with you and find a suitable solution.

7. Remember that compromise requires both give and take. You can't expect to get exactly what you want, and your partner can't either. So, when you are discussing the situation at hand, offer trades. For example, you can say, "Since you want to go to the beach, and I want to go to the zoo, why don't we visit the beach this weekend, and the zoo next weekend?" or "I understand that you want to sleep over at your parents' house because you'll be tired, so how about I drive so you can sleep in the car instead?"

8. Discuss the issue until a reasonable compromise is reached. It may take some time, but working together to resolve an issue will make you and your significant other a stronger unit. Make sure that both your needs, and your partner's, are heard.

9. Resolve the issue, and stick to the resolution. You can easily destroy your credibility by agreeing to a compromise in a difficult situation, then changing your mind, or saying that you didn't really agree to the compromise. Even if you don't fully love your compromise, stick with it. If you give more this time, your partner should give more the next.

References

• Planned Parenthood: Relationship Responsibilities