How to Break Up When They're Still In Love

For those of you that have accomplished a completely mutual break-up, congratulations! No need for you to keep reading. For the rest of us, you know there's always one person ready to leave before the other. Whether you're the 'breakee' or the 'breaker', one thing's for sure, breaking up is really hard to do. It's difficult to say which one is worse. When you get dumped, you can at least take solace in the fact that the decision was not yours. On the other hand if you are the one breaking up with someone who is still completely in love, the feelings of guilt can be overwhelming. Here are a few simple reminders on breaking up kindly.

Instructions

1. 

   Be kind, but firm. If you've ever been broken up with, you know the pain that accompanies those words, "I don't want to be with you anymore."

   It can be really difficult to care about someone, to know how much they care for you, and to simultaneously know that what you're about to say will crush them. You must ask yourself whether it's worse to keep your true feelings bottled up inside, or whether it's worse to be honest, although it may hurt them in the moment. The truth is that holding your feelings in will only hurt them in the long term. You are preventing them from being with someone that truly cherishes and loves them, the way that everyone deserves to be. You have to walk the line of being direct and honest, while also being sensitive to their feelings. Just try to express your feelings in the most diplomatic way possible.

2. 

   Do not go back on what you say. If you say you need space, then take space. When someone is not ready for the relationship to end, they are looking for any sign that gives them hope that things aren't over. If you say you need space and then you call them for advice on something, you are keeping their hopes up that your relationship will soon be back on track. If you sleep with them after you break-up, I'm sure I don't need to tell you the ramifications of this. Don't do it. Make a clean break. If you know you don't want to be in the relationship anymore, the kindest thing you can do is to be clear in your words and your actions.

3. 

   Be specific. Hopefully you've taken time to truly think through your decision to break-up, and you know exactly what your needs are and where the shortcomings lie in the relationship. I know it may be very hard to do...who likes hurting other people's feelings??...but it is a necessary evil. In order to give them closure, you will need to let them know exactly what hasn't been working for you, exactly why you think it won't change, and exactly why you feel you need to move on. This is really difficult for a lot of people, especially men. However you will be doing the right thing, and also minimizing the number of residual late-night phone calls with your ex exclaiming, "I just don't understand!"

4. 

   Take some space. When a relationship is over, both parties absolutely must have space in order for true closure to be found. You need to deal with your emotions, reflect, and have new experiences. Do not attempt to be friends with someone that you broke up with immediately after breaking up. You may be able to handle the friendship, but chances are they will only be hoping for you to have a change of heart. Be kind, be strong, and know that something better is out there for you and your ex.