How to Deal with Fear of Commitment in Relationships

There are different reasons a person has a fear of commitment in relationships. The causes can vary, but the fear is not uncommon. Some causes may be a person’s inability to truly give to someone outside of themselves or a fear they will lose their independence. Another common cause is not resolving past hurts. Some people have been hurt and cannot fully commit because they fear being hurt again. Knowing how to deal with the fear of commitment can offer you a more fulfilling life and a better relationship.

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

1. Write a list on a sheet of paper with your most common fears and things that make you nervous in a relationship. Be brutally honest with yourself and list things, even if they seem irrational. Put the list away for a few days.

2. Go back to the list. Are there items on the list that cause you fear of commitment? Are there issues such as: getting burned again, not living up to expectations, being cheated on, being used, being abandoned or abused or losing your independence that cause you fear of commitment?

3. Write a new list. Think about the person you are with or someone from the past you broke up with because of your fears. Write specific behaviors and events that prove they are not going to do the things that you have from your list in step 2. Be realistic to what actually happens in your relationship as opposed to what your fears tell you about your partner or the relationship.

4. Using the lists (steps 2 and 3) write a letter to yourself. Give yourself permission to trust the person you are with. Give yourself permission to have the happiness you so deserve and the reasons the relationship can work. Set the letter aside for a few days.

5. Take out your letter (from step 4) and read it again. Read it out loud. Use the letter as an affirmation to change your attitudes and your beliefs. This will help to get over the fear of commitment in your present relationship or in future relationships.

6. Discuss your fears with your partner, if you are currently in a relationship. Communication is one important element to any relationship. If you are not in a current relationship, use your affirmation letter to work on your fears.

Tips & Warnings

• Don't allow fear of commitment to prevent you from living life to its fullest.
• Don't purposely sabotage relationships because of your fears.
• Seek Clergical or professional help if your fears consume you.

[goodselfme]

on 9/17/2009 Good ways to deal with fear of comittment in a relationship.

[skyedanzer]

on 8/24/2009 Great information and write-up!