How to Hold It Together When Everything Is Falling Apart from Divorce Abuse
Getting divorced is usually traumatic for everyone involved. The trauma becomes worse if you experience abuse from your spouse, particularly when you have so many other divorce-related problems to deal with. Abuse can happen to you while getting divorced whether you are a man or a woman. Luckily, there are things you can do and organizations you can contact to help. Remember, just because you are the target of divorce abuse, it does not mean you have to deal with it alone.
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Instructions
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Get a lawyer. A lawyer can tell you what is acceptable and what is not, as well as what is illegal and can be fought against. If you cannot afford a lawyer, contact a legal aid organization in your area. Most of them offer free legal advice, or markedly reduced rates, for people living on a low or fixed income.
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Sign up for counseling. Even though you are the target of divorce abuse, it does not mean you have to suffer through it alone. Most cities and towns have free or affordable counseling services through a variety of non-profits. Talking to someone about what is happening to you will make you feel less alone.
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Put your children first. In situations of divorce abuse, you may discover your children are also being abused, either physically or emotionally. Non-profits in many cities and towns run intervention programs for children. Sign up for one. They can help with visitation agreements, aid parents in resolving anger, and work with your children so they avoid blaming themselves for the divorce.
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Join a safe family exchange program if you have children. Marital abuse during times of divorce is often heightened when children are involved. Allowing your spouse to pick up your children at your home can cause even more problems, for you and your kids. A safe family exchange program provides a place where your children can be transferred from the supervision of one parent to another. The exchange is monitored by the service, so any problems can be stopped quickly.
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Attend a divorce support group or a parent support group. When you are in a divorce abuse situation, you may think this is only happening to you. In a divorce or parent support group, you will probably learn quickly the same type of divorce abuse happens to others. Groups like this also have lists of organizations you can contact that will help.
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Don't allow negative self-talk. Often, when people are in abusive situations, they begin to believe the negative things their abuser is saying to them. Instead, write down what your spouse is saying to you and look at the words rationally. Are they true? Do you really behave the way your spouse says you do? You may be surprised to discover much of what is said to you has no basis in reality.
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File for a protective order. If your spouse has become physically violent or is close to it, go to your local police station and file for a protective order. While a protective order is not a guarantee the problems will stop, many spouses do lessen the abuse when the police become involved.
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Tips & Warnings
Avoid your spouse if there is abuse. He or she cannot abuse you if you are not in their vicinity.
Do not feel ashamed if you are being abused. You are the victim. There is nothing to be ashamed about.
References
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