How to Cook A Carp

Mmmm, carp.

Carp (and Whitefish) are generally thought of as inedible. I've heard them referred to as bottom-feeders, rough-fish, and garbage-fish. Most people only catch them for the fun of catching them, but immediately release them back into the lake. On eHow, I found 12 recipes for making carp bait - but none on preparing the actual fish. So here it is, my grandfather's old carp recipe.

Things You'll Need

• 1 Lemon or Lime
• Lemon pepper
• Butter
• Bay leaves
• Thyme
• Basil
• Garlic rub
• Soy Sauce
• Roof shingle

Instructions

1. Before beginning the cooking process - you must first prepare the fish. Slice the belly and remove the guts. Remove the head and fins. De-scale the entire fish. Now place the carp on the shingle and prepare it as follows.

2. Begin with the garlic rub. Fill the body cavity and rub the garlic rub into the skin as well. You just can't get enough garlic on a carp. Be sure to work the rub into both sides of the fish.

3. Now cover the fish in butter - really slather it on. Be sure to coat the inside as well as both top and bottom of the fish. Some extra butter on either side of the fish on the shingle is a good idea too.

4. Now sprinkle the seasonings on - lemon pepper, bay leaves, thyme, and basil. Don't hold back - in fact you may want to put on twice as much as you think it'll need. It is a carp after all.

5. Now place the shingle on a metal grating over an open fire. Whether in a barbeque grill or over a camp fire it doesn't really matter. The point is that you will need to cook this fish longer than you have ever cooked any other fish. Continue to put more butter on the fish as it cooks. After about a half hour turn the fish and, after re-positioning it on the shingle, re-apply all of the above ingredients once more.

6. After a full hour on the fire - remove the fish. Use a spatula - that shingle will be hot. Now sprinkle some of the soy sauce over the entire fish - and let it sit until it is cool enough to touch.

7. Now pick the fish up off the shingle, throw it away, and eat the shingle.

8. Seriously, carp are bottom-feeding, rough, garbage-fish. They're just not meant to be eaten.

Tips & Warnings

• Chew your shingle slowly and carefully - they're not meant to be eaten either.